Thursday, December 29, 2011

Prometheus Teaser Trailer

The rumors started quite some time ago that Ridley Scott was planning a prequel to his gothic sci-fi opus, Alien.  Since then there have been  many rumors and such stating that the prequel had become something different all together.

Well, the teaser dropped just before Christmas and it looks absolutely amazing.  It has the same distinct look inspired by H.R. Giger that Scott used in the original 1979 film.  There are some definite direct connections that I spotted as well, such as the seat/telescope thing-a-majig doo-dad that the Space Jockey was seated in the horse shoe shaped space ship that the crew of the Nostromo explored in the original film. 

Speaking of the Horse Shoe Ship (We'll call it the HSS from now on), that mammoth seems to figure rather promenantly into the new film.  In one spectacular shot, we see the HSS crashing onto a planets surface and various people scrambling to get the hell out of dodge.

During the span of the one minute teaser, the films title slowly appears on the screen a few pieces at a time, the same as the alien films, which got me pretty damn excited.

From what I understand, the film is about a group of explorers searching for Mankind's origin's in the cold reaches of space.....perhaps we are connected with the Space Jockey's?  This might make sense because in the teaser if you look carfully, when you see the seat/telescope thing-a-majig doo-dad, it looks like there is a humanoid (looks pretty close to human to me) standing bye, waiting to sit down.  If you remember the size and scope of the thing from the first film, then looks like the Space Jockey's may be 13 foot tall people.   Guess we'll have to wait and see!

So hopefully you're pretty psyched up to watch the trailer (either for the first time or for the 50th).  Enjoy!



Looks pretty bad ass, don't it?  Yep.   Yep it does!

Prometheus is slated for a June 8th, 2012 release.

While we're in a festive Giger mood, why don't we take a look at the trailers for the first four films!

Alien (1979)  The movie that started it all!  I wanted to see this movie in the worst way when I was a kid.  I had an Alien video game for the Commodore 64 and I wanted to be able to see how the movie compared.  It would be quite a few years before I was able to see it, but when I finally did.....I understood why my parents refused to let me watch it when I was 8.



Aliens (1986)  I actually saw this film before the original.  I was about 13 and I rented this bad monkey one Friday with my best friend.  He had already seen an edited for TV version of it and kept telling me how awesome it was.  I will never forget the feeling that night.  I can remember it like it was yesterday.  It was spring, and it was raining like a mofo out, with intermittent thunder and lightening.  My mother and sisters went out shopping that night.  My bud and I stayed home and popped in Aliens.  I was completely blown away.  Never before had I seen such insane violence.  Never had I seen such a horrible creature in all my short life.  I watched that tape (yes tape....this was in the days of VHS) about 3 more times before I had to bring it back to the video shop. 



Alien 3 (1992)  Not long after veiwing Aliens, I stumbled across my first issue of Fangoria (#113), which featured Alien 3 on it's cover.  While in the same bookshop, I also came across the novelization of Alien 3.  That was a pretty fantastic find to me that day.  I wanted to see Alien 3 in the theater badly.  Unfortunately, neither of my parents were very interested in seeing the movie and I was only 13.....so that didn't happen.  I finally rented it when it released on video and was extremely disappointed with it.  It was long and plodding and you saw the alien even less than in the first movie.  A total snooze-fest.  About 13 years later, I found out about the directors cut special edition.  I was hesitant, but heard that the directors cut was a  totally different film.  It is.  Do yourself a favor and watch the masterpiece of gothic horror that is Alien 3.



Alien: Ressurection (1997)   Fresh out of high school, I caught wind of a 4th Alien film.  At least my dreams of watching an Alien film in a theater would be realized.  It was with great antici...................pation, that I wated for the film to be released.  I read all the coverage in Fangoria and anything I could find on the internet.  Finally I went to go see it opening weekend in November.  What I got was the weakest entry in the original Alien franchise.  I warmed up to the film more after it's release on video, but I am really hoping that Prometheus will be the epic big screen Alien film that I've been yearning for!




Being the completist that I am, we'll sling in the two Alien vs Predator films as well:

Alien vs Predator aka AvP (2004)  The long awaited mash-up with two of the most fearsome creatures in the science fiction filmi universe.  This movie could have been SO much more than it was, but despite what a lot of people say about it, I still like the film quite a bit.  It's quirky and it's got a certain B-Movie charm to it.   Where else are you gonna see a Predator and a Human fight a giant Alien Queen in the Arctic????



AVPR:  Aliens vs Predator - Reqium (2007)   I can't really comment too much on this film because I've only seen it once.  It did have two things that really stood out to me though:  First off, we got a glimpse of the Predator's home planet, which is almost worth the price of admission alone.  Second, we get the Preylien.  As you most likely know if you are reading this, when the Xenomorphs are incubating inside their host they take on some of thier characteristics.  Well if you remember at the end of AVP, a Xenomorph bursts from the last fallen Predator aboard thier ship.  Said Xenomorph grows into a hybrid Alien/Predator.....hence the Preylien.  It is pretty badass.  Other than that, I don't remember too much about the film.....perhaps I should go back and watch it again.


Well, that's it kids!  Let's hope that Prometheus delivers on the goods.  If it is even half as good as the teaser is, then I think we're in for a pretty fantastic ride.

Remember...........In Space No One Can Hear You Scream!

Friday, December 16, 2011

Spend the Holidays with Debbie Rochon

Tired of the same old boring Christmas gifts?  Looking for something different for the horror fanatic in your life?  Or maybe your looking to treat yourself to a little holiday goodness?  Well look no further!

The lovely Debbie Rochon is offering up some gifts that are sure to get your Yule Log nice 'n' hot!

Debbie's Xmas Combo Pack includes:







A very rare copy of Scream Queens Illustrated, autographed by Debbie
















An OOP copy of Cracked Magazine, featuring The Toxic Avenger!  Also autographed!











A set of Debbie trading cards from the movie Santa Claws!!!  I have no images of these cards but you can see a preview (sorta) of them in the link to order at the end of the post.



And finally you'll get a Santa's Cap signed by Debbie!

That's a lot of Debbie for only $24.95!!!!!

Order your Christmas Combo RIGHT HERE!!!!


Thursday, December 8, 2011

I Need A Time Machine......

I know, I've abandoned you all for quite some time........again.  I don't mean to....really I don't!
Sometimes it just gets a wee bit busy and some of my extra curricular activities end up falling to the wayside for a bit!

Not to worry though!  I've got lots of stuff that I'm working on to bring you all kinda goodness.  Just gonna take me a wee bit!

I've got stuff getting ready for transport to my Space Dungeon of Vestron, which is currently orbiting high above the volcanic Jovian moon of Io. 

All of this coming soon from your bud the Wizard!  Stay tuned!

For now enjoy this photo of a giant bronze frog on a giant spool of thread. 

Only in New England folks!

 

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

The Wizard LIVES!

So just in case anyone was wondering....the ol' Wizard is still alive here.....just very limited on the amount of time he has to dedicate to the ol' blogarooney here.  There is some good stuff coming down the pike though, fear not!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Book Review in Graveyard Rendezvous

A while back, I wrote a review for Guy N. Smith's The Slime Beast.  It was just a modest little review, but I sent a link to Mr. Smith for kicks and giggles.  He actually contacted me afterwards and asked if he could use my review in an upcoming edition of Graveyard Rendezvous.....the UK fanzine dedicated to Guy. 
This is my first time being published in print so I'm pretty excited about that!

You can purchase Graveyard Rendezvous on Guy's website.  It's a great 'zine, so check it out!  M'kay?

Monday, July 18, 2011

Fangoria Issue #306 Sneak Peak

GUTS

INTERVIEW: SISSY SPACEK She turned Stephen King’s vengeful “Carrie” into an indelible screen icon.

PREVIEW: “SHARK NIGHT” Director David R. Ellis has a new 3D destination: a lake swarming with finned killers.

FEATURE: ITALIAN SHARK MOVIES In the wake of “Jaws” came a whole school of Mediterranean mockbusters.

PREVIEW: “STRAW DOGS” The human animal hasn’t gotten any less violent, so Rod Lurie revisits the Sam Peckinpah classic.

ON SET: “FINAL DESTINATION 5” Will better characters and the use of 3D help this entry generate suspension (bridge) of disbelief?

PREVIEW: “FRIGHT NIGHT” There’s a new ghoul next door, and he’s played by Colin Farrell in Craig Gillespie’s update.

INTERVIEW: WILLIAM RAGSDALE He first went suburban-vampire hunting 26 years ago with Roddy McDowall by his side.

INTERVIEW: AGUSTÍ VILLARONGA “In a Glass Cage” is still a horrifying place to be thanks to this Spanish director.

PREVIEW: “DON’T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK”: GUILLERMO DEL TORO Terrified by the original, he put his personal stamp on the new version.

PREVIEW: “DON’T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK”: TROY NIXEY Little things meant a lot to the man at the remake’s helm.

INTERVIEW: NIGEL McKEAND The scripter of ’73’s “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark” had no idea he was creating a classic.

PREVIEW: “CREATURE” If you’re tired of CG beasties, prepare to welcome the new rubber suit on the block. Plus: great monster costumes of the past!

PREVIEW: “ATTACK THE BLOCK” Untamed youth meet extraterrestrial enemies in a wild and wonderful British import.

PREVIEW: “THE DEAD,” PART TWO Charity began with roaming zombies when this sleeper filmed in Africa.

DIARY OF THE DEB: “THE FLUSH,” PART ONE Her experience with a budding filmmaker from Tijuana didn’t bowl Debbie over.

PREVIEW: “ROSE” John Skipp has long been a master of horrific prose, and now he’s turning his talents to the screen.

INTERVIEW: PETE VON SHOLLY He’ll never run out of ways to bring out the weird with pen, ink and paint.

GRAVY

FIRST RITES Respecting our elders

POSTAL ZONE A German feast

MONSTER INVASION Previews of “Bellflower,” MTV’s “Death Valley” and “Scarlet Worm”

THE TRASH COMPACTOR “Jaws 3-D” comes up toothless today

THE PIT AND THE PEN OF BERT I. GORDON Going buggy casting the tiny stars of “Beginning of the End”

DR. CYCLOPS’ DUNGEON OF DISCS Reviews of “[REC] 2,” “The Nesting,” “Wake Wood,” “Closed for the Season,” “The Clinic” and more

FURIOUS FEMMES The women who shaped “Super 8” and others

NIGHTMARE LIBRARY Reviews of Ellen Datlow’s “Naked City,” Kim Newman’s “Anno Dracula,” Jason Zinoman’s “Shock Value,” etc.

“JASON DARK: FOOD FOR THE DEAD,” Part Five The final chapter!

COMIC CASKET Where you should be is “ ’68”

SOUND SHOCK Original “Fright Night” composer Brad Fiedel

CLASSIFIED AD VAULT

DEAD FORMAT “Fright Night Part 2” on laserdisc



Fango #306 is due out in August

The Thing 2011 Trailer

The first trailer for The Thing has been released this past week!  It looks promising thus far....I am very much looking forward to seeing this in October!  Take a look, tell me what you think!


And of course we can't give ya the trailer for the upcoming film without giving you a chance to check out the trailers for the past two films as well!  So here ya go:


And of course gotta have the original classic:


Hope you enjoyed and I hope that you are just as excited about the upcoming film as I am!
And just because I thought it was cool.....here's Horrid Films' Lego version of The Thing!  Enjoy!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The Thing Prequel Movie Poster

A poster for the upcoming prequel of The Thing has been released....and it's about damn time!  The Thing is scheduled to be released on October 14th, and we've yet to see a trailer for it.....but at least we've got a poster! I'm actually pretty excited about this prequel.  I've always wondered exactly what happened to the Norwegian research team that MacReady and Copper found dead at their camp.  I hope this film's events take place directly before the 1982 film.

Anywhoo....without further adieu I give you the first poster for The Ting 2011:



I like it!  I like the hand with the elongated fingers.....I like the simplicity of the design.  There's a bit of a quiet nod to the 1982 film poster...the hooded figure with the obscured face.  I also think that the tag line is amazing!  It's Not Human.  Yet.  That is great!

Check out the 1982 poster:



And what the hell, for reference, he's the poster for the 1951 film The Thing From Another World:


There you have it!

You know, I can't believe that I'm going to say this but I think that the new film's poster and the '82 film poster are pretty close in awesomeness......and I REALLY can't believe that I'm saying this, but I think that I might actually like the new poster a little more.  The fingers, man.  Those awesome elongated, alien fingers really make that poster awesome for me.  On the other hand, the light emanating from the hood of the figure on the '82 cover is pretty bad ass too.

Okay, you know what....I'm going to leave it as a tie....because they are both just so friggin awesome.  The '51 poster is absolute crap.  Sure I get it that you don't want to reveal the creature (which in the '51 film turned out to be like a walking vegetable man) but I mean come on!  Couldn't they have come up with something a little better than some screaming characters on a green background??

Of course these films are based on the classic sci fi novella of paranoia and alien bad-assed-ness, Who Goes There?  By John W. Campbell:



Now THAT"s a whacked out alien!

The Evil Dead Remake


Yesterday, Bloody Disgusting broke news that Sam Raimi is in fact getting ready to produce a "quasi-remake" of  The Evil Dead.  It is unknown at this time if Bruce Campbell will have any part in this.   Fede Alvarez is going to be directing for Ghost House Pictures and casting is underway in Detroit as well!


Very exciting news my friends!  Very exciting indeed!  I hope that Raimi stays true to the independent vibe that the rest of the series carried.....only time will tell, but at least fans now have something to look forward to!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

The Horror of Weird Al Yankovic

When I was a kid, my Dad decided to subscribe to Columbia House music.  That was the mail order system where when you joined you got like 10 cassettes (yeah, that's right, I said cassettes.....this was like 1984!) for a dollar each and then you were enrolled in the club and they sent you music every month and if you liked it, you bought it.  If you didn't, you sent it back.  Canceling your subscription was a very difficult process that usually involved dark magic and the slaughter/sacrifice of several small animals.

Anyway, one of the 10 cassettes that my Dad picked to get from the initial offer was Weird Al's Dare To Be Stupid.  He picked it out for me, not only because I loved all the goofy songs that he and my mom would sing to us kids, but because there was a song about Yoda (which of course was a riff on The Kink's Lola)!  This was my first Weird Al album and I listened to it until the tape actual snapped and I had to replace it with the CD years later. 

It was the second track on Side-B that I loved the most...but I'm starting to get ahead of myself.....so let's take it back to the first album and do this up all chronologically 'n' stuff.  See, Weird Al is known for being a zany, totally out there comedy guy.  What you find when you really look into his lyrics is that he's also incredibly smart and has his finger on the pulse of what's going on in the world.  You'll also find that he has an incredibly dark side and here I shall submit songs from each album for you to ponder over.  Some entries are rather obvious....such as Nature Trail to Hell and Slime Creatures From Outer Space.  Others you have to pay a bit more attention to what your listening to because it's all in the lyrics....such as The Good Ol' Days and You Don't Love Me Anymore.  So let's take a look album by album at some of Al's darker stuff.....

"Weird Al" Yankovic - 1983













Happy Birthday -  You wouldn't think it by the title, but this one deals with some dark stuff, including world poverty, World War III and the destruction of the inner solar system!  Happy Birthday indeed!

Lyric sample:
It doesn't take a military genius to see
We'll all be crispy critters after World War III
There's nowhere you can run to, nowhere you can hide
When they drop the big one, we all get fried

I guess you know the Earth is gonna crash into the sun
But that's no reason why we shouldn't have a little fun
So if you think it's scary, if it's more than you can take
Just blow out the candles and have a piece of cake


Mr. Frump in the Iron Lung - The last track on the album is a pretty catchy little ditty.  Not REALLY dark or horror related, but more just all around kinda sick in a funny way.  The narrator of the song's best friend is an old guy in an Iron Lung.......hilarious.  Wrong, but hilarious!

Lyric Sample

Y'know, Mr. Frump is my very best friend
He's never a chump or a tease
He never tells me lies, and best of all
He never disagrees

Well, unfortunately, soon it came to be
Mr. Frump's dying day
And now I bring to you the very last thing
That Mr. Frump had to say....
[deep breathing, that fades and dies off]

Amen  

"Weird Al" Yankovic In 3D - 1984












Midnight Star - Another of Al's original tunes.  This one is about the crazy headlines that you used to see on tabloids such as Weekly World News.

Lyric Sample

It said your pet may be an extraterrestrial
It said the ghost of Elvis is living in my den
You can learn to cope with stress
You can beat the IRS
And the incredible frog boy is on the loose again

Eat jelly doughnuts, and lose twenty pounds a day
Hear the story of the man born without a head
And top psychics all agree
That the telephone company
Will have a brand new service that lets you talk to the dead

Nature Trail To Hell - One of my all time favorites of Al's tunes!  The song plays like a trailer for an upcoming slasher movie and is absolutely awesome.  The song starts with the sound of a thunderstorm complete with rain and even some wolves howling.  Awesome stuff.  This song was always popping up in Dr. Demento's Halloween Frightful Five at the end of his halloween shows. 

Sample Lyrics

Coming this Christmas to a theater near you
The most horrifying film that hit the screen.
There's a homicidal maniac who finds a cub-scout troop
and he hacks up two or three in every scene.
Please don't reveal the secret ending to your friends
Don't spoil the big surprise
You won't believe your eyes when you see
Nature Trail To Hell

See severed heads that almost fall right in your lap.
See that bloody hatchet coming right at you.
No, you'll never see hideous effects like these again
Until we bring nature trail to hell part 2
So bring the kids along it's good clean family fun.
What have you got to lose
If you like the 6 O'Clock news then you'll love.
Nature Trail to Hell
Nature trail to hell
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature trail to hell in 3-D
Nature Trail to hell in 3-D

Dare To Be Stupid - 1985











Like A Surgeon - I pretty much added this one because it's all about gore and surgery gone wrong.  Not really a dark track per se.

Sample Lyric

Let me see, that I.V.
Here we go - time to operate
I'll pull his indsides out, pull his insides out
And see what he ate


 One More Minute - A song about break ups and the pain of being around your ex afterwards.  Al comes up with some pretty nasty tortures that he would rather endure than spending any further time with his ex.

Sample Lyric

I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork
Than watch you going out with other men
I'd rather slam my fingers in a door (yah)
Again and again and again and again and again

Yes, I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks
Or stick my nostrils together with crazy glue
I'd rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor blades
Than spend one more minute with you


Slime Creatures From Outer Space - This is it!  This is the song that I was obsessed with when my Dad gave me the Dare To Be Stupid album.  When I listened to this I'd have a whole story of these Slime Creatures play out in my head.  I used to wish that someone would make a movie out of it.....still do actually!

Sample Lyric:

There's more comin' every day
And they just won't go away
Now they're reproducing in the sewers

They got hands all covered with fungus
They got eyes like some kinda bug
I sure hope they don't come in here
I just shampooed the rug


Polka Party - 1986











Just One of Those Days - Great song in which Al talks about mundane annoyances in the same light that he talks about horrible happens....apparently losing a sock in the dryer is just as annoying as having freaks burning crosses out on your front lawn!


Lyric Sample
A 747 crashed into my den
And there's nothin' but tater tots for dinner again
It's just one of those days
Never mind, it's just one of those days

Big steamroller just ran over my mom
And I cut myself shaving and they're dropping the bomb
It's just one of those days
That's all, it's just one of those days


Christmas at Ground Zero - A great apocalyptic Christmas song.  The music is dead on in it's emulation of the classic Christmas tunes....which makes the lyrics about the impending nuclear holocaust all the more disturbing/hilarious.

Lyric Sample

Well it's Christmas at Ground Zero
There's panic in the crowd
We can dodge debris while we trim the tree
Underneath the mushroom cloud

Oh, it's Christmas at Ground Zero
And if the radiation level's okay
I'll go out with you and see all the new
Mutations on new year's day


Even Worse - 1988












Melanie - This is pretty much a song sung from the perspective of a psycho stalker.  He spends the song pining for the title character before the "big reveal" about his current condition and how psychotic he really is.

Sample Lyric

I just can't understand it
Why won't you return my phone calls
Are you still mad I gave a Mohawk to your cat
If you'd just say the word
I'm certain that our love would last forever and ever
Or are you too dumb to realize that

You weren't impressed when I tattooed your name across my forehead
You wouldn't listen when I promised to be true
I couldn't stand it so I jumped out from the sixteenth story window
Right above you
Now I may be dead but I still love you  


Good Old DaysCall it Melanie's thematic sequel on the album.  Good Old Days is a style parody written in the style of James Taylor.  It is sung from the perspective of a complete psychotic sociopath as he looks back at his younger daysThis is one of the darkest songs that Al's written, I think.

I can still remember good old Mr. Fender
Who ran the corner grocery store
Oh, he'd strolled down the aisle with a big friendly smile
And he'd say "Howdy" when you walked in the door
Always treated me nice, gave me kindly advice
I don't know why I set fire to his place
Oh I'll never forget the day I bashed in his head
Well you should've seen the look on his face

Do you remember sweet Michelle
She was my high school romance
She was fun to talk to and nice to smell
So I took her to the homecoming dance
Then I tied her to a chair and I shaved off all her hair
And I left her in the desert all alone
Well sometimes in my dreams
I can still hear the screams
Oh I wonder if she ever made it home


UHF - The Original Motion Picture Soundtrack and Other Stuff - 1989












Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters From A Planet Near Mars  -  This one really is pretty lighthearted but it's got a similar theme to Slime Creatures.....only with mutated giant hamsters.....

Lyric Sample

Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars
They're back and they're lookin' for a snack
And they're not that fond of Burger Kings or salad bars
I hope they're not plannin' to stay
Who invited them here anayway
Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars

Well, well, look at that hamster, he's as big as a blimp
And there's one the size of central park
They're using telephone pole to pick their teeth
They're evil and nasty and they glow in the dark
Oh, don't waste any more of your bullets, boys
You know it just makes 'em mad when you shoot
They're gonna stomp us into jelly and conquer the world
But you gotta admit, they're really kinda cute, now


Off The Deep End - 1992











Trigger Happy - A 50''s Beach Boys style ode to firearms, sung from the view point of the paranoid, inept and clumsy gun enthusiast.  NRA be proud.....


 Sample Lyrics

Oh, I accidently shot daddy last night in the den
I mistook him in the dark for a drug-crazed Nazi again
Now why'd you have to get so mad?
It was just a lousy flesh wound, Dad
You know, I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day

Oh, I still haven't figured out the safety on my rifle yet
Little Fluffy took a round, better take him to the vet
I filled that kitty cat so full of lead
We'll have to use him for a pencil instead
Well, I'm so trigger happy, trigger happy every day


You Don't Love Me Anymore - A beautiful ballad about a girlfriend and/or wife who is trying to kill her husband/boyfriend, though he seems to be oblivious of the seriousness of her attempts.....he is in denial that their love is gone.

Sample Lyrics

I knew that we were having problems when
You put those piranhas in my bathtub again
You're still the light of my life
Oh darling, I'm beggin', won't you put down that knife?

You know, I even think it's kinda cute the way
You poison my coffee just a little each day
I still remember the way that you laughed
When you pushed me down that elevator shaft


Alapalooza - 1993










Jurassic Park -  Parody of MacArthur Park, obviously.  Not really dark, but there's fun lyrics about getting disemboweled so that has to count for something, right?

Sample Lyrics

I cannot approve of this attraction
'Cause getting disemboweled always makes me kinda mad
A huge tyrannosaurus ate our lawer
Well, I suppose that proves... they're really not all bad

Jurassic Park is frightning in the dark
All the dinosaurs are running wild
Someone let T. Rex out of his pen
I'm afraid those things'll harm me
'Cause they sure don't act like Barney
And they think that I'm their dinner, not their friend
Oh no.....


Talk Soup -  This one really isn't dark at all, but I thought I would include it because it's a cousin to Midnight Star in a sense.  This song is about all the crazy people you see on daytime talk tv shows.  There are some nods to Bigfoot and close encounters in there so that helps....

Sample Lyrics

I'm just an anorexic codependant bingo addict
Stripper born without a chin
And I'm only comfortable talking about it
When the whole wide world is listening in

I'm just a cross-dressin' alcoholic neo-Nazi
Porno star, as you may have guessed
And I'm really gonna feel a whole lot better
If you let me get this thing off my chest


Bad Hair Day - 1996












Everything You Know Is Wrong -  This is a pretty far out there song, which I love.  Again, not really dark per se.....but it's got tons of bizarreness in it.  The song is another style parody....in this case of They Might Be Giants.  One of my all time favorites!

Sample Lyrics

And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt
Finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer
Who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me
Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so
Important doesn't matter

I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams
When I accidentally stepped into an alternate dimension
And soon I was abducted by some aliens from space
Who kinda looked like Jamie Farr
They sucked out my internal organs
And they took some polaroids
And said I was a darn good sport
And as a way of saying thank you
They offered to transport me back to
Any point in history that I would care to go

I Remember Larry - Song about a guy reminiscing about a neighborhood kid who used to pull horrible pranks on everyone....until revenge was served!  

Sample Lyrics

Say, do you remember that guy Larry next door
Well, he always was the neighborhood clown
Like the time he took my pants off and he took those color pictures
And posted copies all over town
Or the time that he dumped toxic waste on my lawn
Or those wacky prank phone calls from midnight 'till dawn
What a crazy kid Larry was, always foolin' around

Say, do you remember when I broke in Larry's house
Late at night and tied his mouth with a rag
Then I dragged him by his ankles to the middle of the forest
And stuffed him in a big plastic bag
If the cops ever find him, who knows what they'd say
But I'm sure if ol' Lar' were still with us today
He would have to agree with me it was a pretty good gag

 
The Night Santa Went Crazy -   This is another one of Al's songs that I think would make an awesome movie!  Plenty of nice descriptive lines about the carnage that ol' Saint Nick inflicted!

Sample Lyrics

Down in the workshop all the elves were makin' toys
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye,
"Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna die!"

Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage
He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger
And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger
And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbequed Blitzen
And he took a big bite and said, "It tastes just like chicken!"


Running With Scissors - 1999












Your Horoscope For Today - Another song that I think has a bit of a relation to Midnight Star.  Mainly because I'm pretty convinced that these are the horoscopes printed in the latest addition of the fictitious tabloid.  Some humorously grisly stuff......

Sample Lyrics

Gemini
Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest

Virgo
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick



Albuquerque - Holy hell.  I'm not even sure if this technically classifies itself as a song.....think Arlo Guthrie's Alice's Restaurant on a crack/meth cocktail.  In other words...pure genius.

Sample Lyrics

Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C
And I turned on the SpectraVision
And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow
That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door

Well now, who could that be?

I say "Who is it?"
No answer
"Who is it?"
There's no answer
"WHO IS IT?"
They're not sayin' anything

So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected

It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril
Oh man, I hate it when I'm right
So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel
And I'm like "Hey, you can't have that"
"That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me"
And he's like "Tough"
And I'm like "Give it"
And he's like "Make me"
And I'm like "'Kay"
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus
And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows
And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation
Yes indeed, you better believe it
And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook
And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice
And you know what it said?
I'll tell you what it said


Poodle Hat - 2003












Party at the Leper Colony - Another fine example of Al's sick and twisted sense of humor.  Obviously the jokes involve various body parts falling off of people.


Sample Lyrics

Finger food and an ice cold keg
It won't cost you an arm and a leg
Dance all night to a rotten band
Come on, people, let's give 'em a hand
Met a little lady so pretty and young
She was quite a little talker 'till the cat got her tongue
She oozed up beside me, I turned on my charm
Well, pretty soon she was completely disarmed
Why Does This Always Happen To Me - Al sings about horrible tragedies and how the minor inconvenience that it causes him is truly the most awful thing that could happen.  This is actually a pretty sharp commentary on the state of society.  In this day and age of You Tube and constant streaming news we have become so jaded that tragedies don't seem quite so horrible.....because we constantly hear about them. 

Sample Lyrics

I was driving down the highway when all the traffic slowed to a crawl
There was a twelve-car pile-up, everybody dead
And I saw brains and guts and vital organs splattered everywhere
As well as my friend Robert's disembodied head

And I thought - Poor Rob, I just had lunch with him

Hey, wait a minute, he still owes me money - what a jerk
Well, there's five bucks that I'm never gonna see again
Plus now, on top of everything else, it looks like I'm gonna be late to work
Straight Outta Lynwood - 2006












Do I Creep You Out? - Another stalker ballad.....a parody of the song Do I Make You Proud?

Sample Lyric

I like to feel
The warm spot on your chair
Sometimes I drool
And usually I stare
My precious one
I saved that gum
That you threw in the garbage

You're the one I dream about

But the only question with me now
Is "Do I creep you out?"
Everytime I shake your hand now
Wanna stick your fingers in my mouth
Do I creep you out? 
 Weasel Stomping Day - Al up to his demented best.  The theme song for the title made up holiday.  I wish it was a real holiday though....sounds like fun!  Kidding of course.  What really makes this song is the crunching and squishing sounds accompanied by the sound of screaming weasels....

Sample Lyrics

All the little girls and boys
Love that wonderful crunching noise
You'll know what this day's about
When you stomp a weasel's guts right out

So, come along and have a laugh

Snap their weasely spines in half
Grap your boots and stomp your cares away
Hip hip hooray, it's Weasel Stomping Day 


Al released a brand new album yesterday titled Alpocalypse.  I have not had a chance to listen to it yet so I can not as of yet comment on the songs that appear on that album....once I get a few good listens in, I will add the newest album to the list....but this should keep ya going for a while.  If you are an Al fan, then I'm sure you'll enjoy going back and revisiting these songs.  Or maybe you're new to Al's zaniness....in that case I hope you find this a good jumping off point.












Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Lunchmeat Magazine Gets a Website!!!!


In case you didn't pick up on it from my blog's title, I'm a huge fan of VHS.  I love rummaging through flea markets, second hand shops, old mom and pop stores and dingy basements searching the depths of ridiculous amounts of copies of Armageddon and Space Cowboys to find the real gems like Attack of the Beast Creatures, Fright Show and the ever elusive Blood Beat!  For a long time I thought I was alone in the universe.  I thought that I was a lone soldier in a fight to preserve the awesomeness of the age of big boxes and crazy box artwork.

Enter Lunchmeat Magazine.  An underground 'zine dedicated to the VHS horror collectors.  In a word, it's simply awesome.  For quite a while, the only place that I could find to purchase copies was off of E-bay and from Relapse Records website.  But now.....now there is a definitive home for this incredible mag.  A while back, the ghouls at Lunchmeat put out a call for anyone interested in helping spread the gospel of gore.  Naturally I volunteered to do whatever I can.  I just received an email from the boys in charge (Josh and John) telling me that I've got some promo postcards that I'll be able to pass out around my local haunts and not only that, I am now a full fledged member of the Videovore Fiend Club!  Complete with a membership card and a button on their way to me.  That is awesomeness.  Just like the old days of Famous Monsters.



                                  

The website is terrific....there's the Meat Market where you can buy Lunchmeat goods.  The Meat Locker where you can browse back issues and read a couple of articles from them.  Kitchen Staff gives you the opportunity to get to know the mad men behind the mag....including a short bio and a series of questions asked of each staff member.  Then there is the link to their Spare Parts blog.  You will find links to both to the right in my link section.

I've been reading the 'zine since issue #3 and I'm eagerly awaiting the release of issue #6.  Seriously...if you love VHS, think you might like to get into VHS or (I feel old) have no idea what VHS is, but want to learn more about it then you would do quite well to check out this magazine! 

Rock & Shock Gust List Announced

The Rock & Shock, which is a horror film and music convention held every year in my hometown of Worcester, MA has announced the gust list for this year and it's pretty amazing so far!

Check it out!

That's right kiddies!  Freddy Krueger himself is going to be there as well as Heather Langenkamp....so make sure you got yer Nightmare on Elm Street gear out and ready to be signed! 

Lance Henrikson is also going to be there, which I'm very excited about as well as Bill Mosely, Kane Hodder, Camille Keaton and Barbara Magnolfi.  Okay...well I'm pretty excited about all the guests....including some of the cast of The Walking Dead!

I've been to The Rock & Shock three times so far....this will be my 4th go.  If you can make it, I highly recommend going.  The guests are always very accessible and very kind.  There are tons of great vendors, the 4th annual Film Festival and of course the great line up of bands playing at The Palladium right down the street from the convention center.

I'm a pretty lucky guy in that all this horror awesomeness happens less than a mile from my house.  Hope to see ya there!

Here's some videos to get ya excited!




Please note:  These are not MY videos from the convention....I sadly missed last years show.  I found this on YouTube and found it to be fun and interesting.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Invasion of the Saucermen

There are some films that are very near and dear to me.  Invasion of the Saucermen tops that category.  I had read about this film for quite some time in various books about classic sci-fi movies.  The photos that I saw of the aliens through still shots in the books and publicity photos had me intrigued.  I thought that the aliens were just about the coolest damn thing I had ever seen. 

It was quite a few years until I finally was able to see the film, which just happened to air on The Sci-Fi Channel's Moonlight Matinee one summer afternoon....sometime in the mid 1990's.  That was back when Sci-Fi was still called Sci-Fi and not the ultra retarded SyFy.....and back when they still showed a wife variety of movies.  If there are any Syfy executives, or friends or family of any even associated with Syfy.....please, Please, PLEASE go back to the way you used to be in the 90's.  I miss you so. 

Anywhoo, Invasion of the Saucer Men (a.k.a. Invasion of the Hell Creatures,  Hell Creatures, La invasión de los hombres del espacio (The Invasion of the Space Men) in Spain and Krypande handen (The Crawling Hand) in Sweden) really is the quintessential 50's alien invasion movie.  Teenagers up at Lover's Lane run afoul of small cabbage headed aliens with detachable hands that shoot pure alcochol into it's victims.  You just can't make that kinda stuff up!



Originally IotSM was being made as a serious sci-fi flick.  As the picture progressed however, it morphed into a hybrid comedy.  Frank Gorshin's roll as Joe Gruen helped the comedy along quite a bit.  You may know Frank as The Riddler in the 60's TV version of Batman....or as Dr Fletcher in 12 Monkeys.  The guy has 135 acting credits from 1956 - 2006.....well, I suppose technically 2005 when he passed away....but his final film, The Creature of the Sunny Side Up Trailer Park was not releaseed until 2006.

The Saucer Men were created by Howard Anderson, Alex Weldon and Paul Blaisdell.  You may know Blaisdell from his work in such films as The Day The World Ended, The She-Creature and The Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow.  Some of the special effects in the film were terrific for it's time, including the detachable alien hand that gets trapped in a teen's car and a fantastic fight sequence between a Saucer Man and a Bull!  Seriously!  Check it out:



Told ya that was awesome! 

I'd been searching for this movie for what seemed like forever and a day on ANY kind of home video format, however all the VHS were out of print and there have never been any official DVD let alone Blu Ray releases.  I keep my fingers crossed though.  My wife, being the incredible woman that she is managed to get her hands on a copy and gave it to me as a gift our first Christmas together.  To this day it is the best Christmas present I have ever received. 

If you can find it, do yourself a favor and get your mitts on a copy of this movie.  It is an absolute MUST for fans of 50's sci fi/monster cinema. 


There was a remake of IotSM made by shclockmeister Larry Buchanan for AIP called Attack of the Eye Creatures.  Like Buchanan's other remakes.....it really was not very good....but if you're a sucker for a bad late night B-Movie this might do the trick for ya!  As a matter of fact.....here's the MST3K version for your enjoyment...courtesy of analogkid01.




Yep.  You're life is now complete!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Tales From The Darkside - Hush

I miss the Friday nights of my youth.  Things were so much simpler then.  At 1:50, the school bell rang and I knew that the weekend was once again upon us.  My older sister and I would get home from school just as my Dad was getting ready to go to work.  We would watch our younger sister (Hi Katie!)  until my mother would get home about 4:30.  After Mom got home, she'd make us dinner and then Friday night was Mom's designated grocery shopping night.  Ah, Friday night grocery shopping.....that was a magical experience unto itself, but perhaps a story best left for another time.


The groceries would be put away by 7:30....then it was time to get into our PJ's and get ready for some TGIF action on ABC!  Man....I could go on and on about TGIF on ABC too...Family Matters, Full House, Step by Step, Just the Ten of Us, Dinosaurs (NOT THE MAMA!)), Perfect Strangers.....so many incredibly awesome sitcoms on Friday nights.  Mom would usually pick up a frozen pizza or (YUM) pizza rolls to snack on.  Oh....those delicious little nuggets of pizza goodness.  When I die, I want to be buried with a casket full of pizza rolls.  Or maybe in a casket made out of a giant pizza roll....yes, I love them THAT much!




After a good solid 2 hours of  sitcom comedy gold (at least as far as my 13 year old self was concerned), my Mom would head to bed at 10.  My younger sister would already be asleep and my older sister would sometimes be downstairs with me.....sometimes in her room doing whatever it is that 16 year old girls do in their rooms.  I dunno.  My Dad worked 2nd shift and didn't get home until 11:30. Anyway, at 10pm, on good ol' Channel 50 WNDS (The Winds of New England.....New Hampshire station that used to show awesome stuff) would show re-runs of Monsters and Tales From The Darkside at 10 and 10:30 respectively.  Also WNDS was home to Al Kaprielian....also known as Weird Al Kaprielian.....the awesome meteorologist who would start each weather segment saying "Good eeeeevnening everyone!"  This guy is so awesome his loyal fanbase is known as the Kult of Kaprielian!  Yeah, he's THAT awesome.



I was alone downstairs on this particular occasion.  There were still some cold pizza rolls left over from earlier in the evening, so I loaded up the rest of them, poured myself a big ol' glass of coke  and hunkered down for a little double dose of horror!  To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure what episode of Monsters was on before hand....but part of my wants to say that it was Pillow Talk.....which is about a guy who has a pet bed monster thing that likes to eat half naked women that the guy takes home for a one night snack...er...stand.  That was a cool episode......Here check it out for yourself:



See?  That was pretty awesome.  You can totally see the "twist" ending coming, but it's still pretty damn cool.  Monstsers was a perfect pairing with Tales From The Darkside.  You were guaranteed a Monster in each episde (though there were a few where the definitinon of "Monster" was stretched quite thin!) while TFTD could cover everything from monsters, to ghosts, voodoo and everything in between.

The Intro do Tales From The Darkside was simply the stuff of nightmares.  An insanely creepy piano riff played while the narrator informed us that there is a darkside that exists unknown to most....lurking just below the sunlight world of what we believe to be reality.  It completely set the tone for the show....even when it was a less than impressive episode, it always somehow seemed that much creepier....just because it was prefaced with that intro.  Seriously.  Watch THIS:



Spooky stuff, right?  I told ya!   That is pure terror to a kid, trust me.  What came next however kept me huddled to my spot on the couch.  The episode was of course, Hush.  A girl named Jennifer goes to babysit a young boy named Buddy.  Buddy is a bit of an inventor and shows Jennifer all of his little electronic Frankenstein creations, including a device he calls a noise eater....which basically looks like a vacuum cleaner with some extra doodads attached to it.  Well, wouldn't ya know it, the damn thing malfunctions and takes on a life of it's own., sucking the sound out everything.  Unfortunately if it is a living creature that is making the sound, it will aslo suck the life right out of it. 

What ensues next is a cat and mouse game with Jennifer and Buddy trying to hide from this monstrosity as it systematically hunts for any sounds to consume.  Oh yeah, Buddy's got some allergies too.....which make for some rather tense moments as they hide from the Noise Eater.  The acting is pretty good in the episode....thought the noise eater is a bit wonky looking.  Re-watching this episode years later, it still holds a creepy vibe, I think....though it is no where near as terrifying as I found it that Friday night so long ago.

Why don't ya go ahead and watch it and tell me what you think!


I was going to talk a bit about USA Up All Night, but that is best left for another time.
I hope that you enjoyed the episode, as well as the extra bonus episode of Monsters.  I also hope that you enjoyed the little stroll down memory lane with me...until next time.....try to stay in the light!