Unhinged - Slasher In The Old Dark House

Unhinged
1982
(D) Don Gronguist
Unrated - Approx 79 Min
Released October 15, 1982

Taglines:
 - The Nightmare Begins When You Wake Up

 - Get your slice from the reaper. Violence beyond reason, Victims beyond help.

Alternate Titles:
None










"Don't give me that crap, Marion!  A lot of really weird things are going on around here. Breathing, strange sounds, your Mother, now faces at the window. I can't stand it!"
                                                                                - Terry

I'm sure I've said it here before, but I'll say it again, many times I'm sure.  There's nothing I love more than discovering a hidden gem, especially when when then seemingly come out of nowhere.  I'd never heard of this film before and when I went to research the VHS cover art (figuring it would trigger a memory from video store days) I realized that I was onto something on the rarer side.

By the way the VHS artwork is pretty dang swanky.  I love that The Reaper is holding a big bloody knife instead of a scythe.  On the downside, the killer is not dressed as The Reaper....though someone is killed with a scythe while the killer is wearing a hooded raincoat, so I guess that's sort of Reaperish, right?  Right.

The film follows three girls who get into a car crash on their way to a music festival.  During the ride we hear a news report of two girls having gone missing from a nearby campground, adding to the growing list of disappearances in the region.  After crashing their car en route, they are taken in by a woman named Marion and her mother who live in a big old creepy mansion.  Two of the girls (Terry and Nancy) are only slightly banged up, however their friend Gloria is a bit more injured and is bed-bound.



Terry and Nancy attend dinner with Marion and her mother and discover that the matriarch of the family has some serious anger issues when it comes to her husband and men in general.  She's also a pretty massive bitch to her daughter and all around just an old battle ax.  after an uncomfortable meal, the girls play a game of dominoes in the sitting room while Marion plays the piano.  Que heavy breathing and a shadowy figure spying on the girls from outside.

With both Marion and her mother acting weird, the shadowy figure lurking around and the general uncomfortable ambiance the house gives off (not to mention a thunderstorm every single night!) it becomes abundantly clear that something is not right around here.  The question is:  Who is that shadowy figure?

According to Marion the roads are washed out and the only way into town is to hike two or three miles through the woods, but warns that gives that hiking isn't a very good idea because the "woods are dangerous..."  Like we haven't heard THAT old chestnut before, eh?  Despite the warnings, Nancy decides to head for town to at least call her parents to let them know what's happened.  During the hike, Nancy is murdered by the aforementioned figure in a raincoat with a scythe, in a rare daytime slashing.



Who is behind the killings?  What secrets are Marion and her mother holding?  Why are there so many thunderstorms during October in Oregon?  Some of those questions WILL be answered by the end of Unhinged, but you've gotta watch to find out!

Now, I know that I just told you that this is a hidden gem of a slasher, but that comes with a bit of a disclaimer as well:  This movie is not going to appeal to everyone.  If you're a fan of early 80's slashers and you're expecting something on par with Friday the 13th, The Burning or Sleepaway Camp you're going to be disappointed.  However, if you're a fan of low budget regional cinema and you're in the mood for a slower paced slasher, you'll be alright.

The acting is downright bad.  Dialog is stilted and feels at times like it would be more at home in a live theatrical play than in film, but knowing that most of the cast and crew are local Oregonians (and the actress playing Marion (Janet Penner) comes from a theatrical background) I'm willing to bet that's where most have their experience.

Bad acting however, does not make a bad movie.  When you take that bad acting and stilted dialog and combine it with a pretty rad electronic synth score (of course add a dash or two of nudity and gore) and you've got yourself a strangely atmospheric little flick that is definitely getting put into my regular rotation!



If you go out and get the DVD, a word of warning:  DO NOT listen to the so called "Comedy Commentary" provided on the DVD.  It is nothing more than some MST3K wannabe's ripping the film apart in the most unfunny and juvenile ways.  I couldn't listen to more than 15 minutes of it before I turned it off.

Also provided as an extra is a local TV interview with writer/director Don Gronquist and star Janet Penner.  It is quite possibly one of the most awkward and uncomfortable interviews I have seen in recent memory.  Gronquist looks like he was very nervous and frequently freezes and takes long pauses in his answers, often times not making much sense.  I felt really bad for the guy.















GORE 
While it's not gratuitous, there is some decent gore on display here.  The aforementioned scythe slashing is just the start.  There's also an ax murder and a pretty brutal machete murder as well.  

T&A 
Why yes indeed!  We get to see Terry and Nancy take a shower.  Well, actually we get to see Terry take two showers!  Watch out for some serious 80's bush!

MONSTERS
A mysterious figure slashing up pretty young nubile girls!

FINAL THOUGHTS
Unhinged has a certain vibe to it that I really enjoyed.  It reminded me of when I was just out of high school.  Still living at home with Mom & Dad.  I worked at my beloved Video Paradise and also delivering for Domino's Pizza.  Sundays were my only day off, so on Saturday nights, I would take out four or five movies from the video store and watch them all day Sunday.  I've got many fond memories of rainy Sunday afternoons watching weird old slashers in my room, with a bag of Doritos and a bottle of Dr. Pepper.  Ahhhh, those were the days!

Color Me Blood Red - Bleeding For Your Art

Color Me Blood Red
1965
H.G. Lewis
Unrated - Approx 79 Min.
Released October 13, 1965

Taglines:
 - Not for the eyes and ears of anyone under 16 years!
 - A Blood-Splattered Study in the Macabre
 - Drenched in Crimson Color
 - Fiendish is the word for it!

 - A Blood-Splattered Study in the Macabre. It Will Leave You AGHAST!

Alternate Titles:
Color Me Red  - Working Title
Model Massacre - Alternate Title







"Holy Bananas! It's a girls leg!!!!!"
                                                 - Jack

Once again, I find myself in highly nostalgic territory.  Color Me Blood Red is another film that haunted my youth in the form of lurid VHS cover art that lined the aisles of my beloved Video Paradise.  Just looking at the image of the VHS box art brings back the smell of must and popcorn that permeated that small mom & pop store and my heart swells.  When I was but knee high to a cacti, I found this particular tape to be highly disturbing.  The girl, chained to the wall with her innards being drained into a bowl gave me nightmares on more than one occasion and the film built itself up into near legendary status in my young mind.

Unfortunately the store's copy of the tape went missing (or broke) before I started working there in high school, and I missed my chance to watch it.  Fast forward twenty or so years and I'm standing in my vast cinema dungeon looking for something to watch while I whittle away the late evening hours.  My eyes fall upon the Something Weird issued DVD of the film and I realize that I've owned the movie for several years and never watched it.  Such is the way of the Midnight Cinephile.  So many films, so little time.

With a stiff cocktail in hand and a bowl of mixed nuts (though I'd kill for a giant plate of pizza rolls, I'm eating healthier these days) I settle in to my reclining throne and let the crimson goodness wash over me.  I found myself giddy with anticipation as the film started.  Thirty years of buildup to near mythic status was surely going to come crashing down and disappoint me, right?  Well.....no, actually.

Having seen H.G. Lewis' other films in advance I had a good idea what I was in for and I've got to tell you that I was not disappointed in the least.  Wonky acting?  Check.  Melted crayon blood?  Check.  Hilariously bonkers dialog?  Check!  What the hell else do you want?

I suppose you could look at Color Me Blood Red as a loose remake of the 1959 cult schlocker A Bucket of Blood, exchanging plaster covered corpses for paintings soaked in the blood of a crazed artist's hapless victims.

Artist Adam Sorg finds himself in a bit of a slump and after accidentally getting blood on one of his paintings in progress, he realizes that the blood is exactly what the painting needs.  He starts slicing his fingers open with a razor blade and feverishly painting with the exsanguinated plasma until his fingers pretty much run dry.  The next day as his girlfriend nags him about how he's going to finish the painting without bleeding himself dry, he stabs her in the face and uses her blood to finish his painting.  Well that escalated quickly!

After a local critic and patron at the Farnsworth Art Gallery swoon over his completed gory masterpiece, it's not long at all before Adam is slaughtering beach-goers outside his beach house.  The second girl he murders is actually the one so prominently featured on the VHS cover.  The scene is actually fairly hilarious as Adam runs out of blood, goes into the next room and "milks" her entrails like an udder to get more blood!

Color Me Blood Red is the final film in Lewis' Blood Trilogy and it is decidedly lighter on gore than Blood Feast and Two Thousand Maniacs, I think.....but the gore that's there is top notch melted crayon style that I find particularly pleasing to the eye.

So, did it reach the mythic status that I had it built up to?  Hell no, but it was still a hell of a good time and I'm glad that I finally got to see it.  I think I may have to watch the Blood Trilogy in a mini marathon sometime soon.

GORE
There's a fair amount of the red stuff.  As mentioned already, not as much as the other two Blood flicks, but still a good amount.  That melted crayon grue never gets old for me!

T&A
No nudity here, friends, but we are treated to several buxom sixties babes in their bathing suits!

MONSTERS
One blood crazed artist!

FINAL THOUGHTS
There's a lot to love on this one:  Bright, colorful cinematography, wonky characters and some really bonkers dialog make this a fun, quick flick.  If you're into H.G. Lewis, then definitely check this one out.....since it's short, you should just watch it with the other two Blood films!

Terror Eyes - Campfire Satanthology

Terror Eyes
1989
D: Eric Parkinson, Michael Rissi, Steve Sommers
W: Eric Parkinson, Vivian Schilling

S:  Vivian Schilling, Daniel Roebuck, Lance August
Not rated - Approx 90 Min
Park-Schilling Productions Inc.

Taglines
 - No more films... no more horror... what's the Devil to do?

Alternate Titles:
None









"It was wonderful, just wonderful....superb....just lovely....double thumbs up.  Just like the Wonderful World of Disney.  Let me ask you all a question:  Where's the guts?  Where's the gore?"
                                                          - Richard (while possessed)

Terror Eyes was a blind buy off of Amazon.  I was hunting around for random VHS tapes, just for kicks and giggles.  Terror Eyes popped up for 99 cents.  I figured, "What the hell!  Why not!" and plunked it down (virtually of course) with the rest of the tapes in my cart.  That was a few years ago.  I finally got a chance to sit down and enjoy this little ditty in my new media room/office (Yeah, I'm moving up in the world!) and I've gotta say, I was quite surprised!

This is an anthology film, comprised of three separate stories and of course the obligatory wrap around story. The wrap around revolves around a young advertising executive who is assigned to write a horror screenplay for a horror film during a writers strike.  Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves though.

Troy is playing poker with a stuffed monkey.  Seriously.  He is.

ROEBUCK!

Late nite snack attack?

The opening story is about a young couple, Starla and Troy, who receive a mysterious book (called The Book of Life) by a shady car-salesman-looking-guy (played by Daniel Roebuck) that contains their entire life history and future.  Unfortunately for Troy, that future is not going to last very long.  According to the book, he's going to kill himself soon.  Troy (being your typical,  testosterone fueled dude) forbids Starla to read the book anymore.  Starla (being your typical, defiant type) just can't leave it alone.  Troy decides to put an end to things once and for all, first attempting to throw the book out in the dumpster.  When he gets back into their apartment the book is back sitting on the table.  He tries to rip the pages out, but to no avail.  He tries to burn the book, but it won't burn.  Finally he decides if nothing else will work he will dissolve it with acid.  Naturally, I won't spoil the end of the story...but "Starla" wakes up and we discover it was all a dream.

Starla's real name is Eva and she is the advertising executive.  The shady guy that gave her the book is (in waking life) her husband Richard.  Eva is frustrated because she isn't a writer and doesn't have the first idea how to write a horror screenplay.  She was hoping maybe she could use her dream but after waking she couldn't remember it.

ROEBUCK!

Hmmm....something is off about Richard.

Eva and Richard go on a camping trip with some friends and while sitting around the campfire, having a a grand old time, Richard goes off to take a leak in the woods.  It's there, in the dark of the woods, taking a leak that he is possessed by a demon (or Agent of Hell as he's called in the film).  When Richard returns he starts acting like a total Dick (see what I did there?) and is trying to force Eva to come up with a horror story.

Their friends (none of whom seem to notice that Richard has changed from a sweet, caring type to a major douche nozzle) attempt to help Eva out by telling stories about scary stuff that's happened to them.

Mannie doesn't know what he's getting into....

Neither does his bookie!

The next story involves their friend Mannie (played by Dan Bell.  You might know him better as Neil in the Wayne's World movies or as Smiley in Darkman!)  Back in the day, Mannie had a bit of a gambling problem (especially when it came to betting on horses) and ended up owing his bookie a lot of money.  Instead of breaking his legs in twelve places, his bookies offers him and alternative:  Steal money and jewels from his wife's safe and they will split the loot.  Not really having much of an alternative, Mannie agrees.  What follows is a twisted sort of time travel/Groundhog Day tale in which Mannie keeps reliving the same day over and over again as his bookie continues to murder his wife and attempting to murder him.

Hey, she found Bobby Fischer!

Hey now, my kinda video game!

Never bring your fists to an axe fight....

The final story is about a woman named Alex who wins a chess championship and publicly announces that she will be using winnings to fund a campaign against a video game company that sells games that glorify rape, murder and other unsavory acts.  She is kidnapped by the head of the video game company and is placed in a real life game of life & death where she must solve a series of puzzles before ultimately ending up in a ghost town where she must play a final cat and mouse game against the crazed gamer designer, old west style.

This game is can get a bit dicey.....

She's heading for the 90's living in the wild, wild west!

The wraparound concludes with the Agent of Hell revealing himself, some carnage and then of course the obligatory feel good ending....which is fine cause we're not really here for the wraparound anyway.

DEMON ROEBUCK!

I've heard of FLASH mobs, but this is ridiculous!

Gunned down by a demon with invisible guns.....

GORE
There's some red stuff, but not a lot.  There is a pretty nice melting flesh effect in the Book of Life story.  In the Groundhog Day segment, there are some gun shot wounds, and the same goes for the Video Game segment.

T&A
No skin in this one, amigos.

MONSTERS
The Agent of Hell is an interesting make-up (also rendered on the box art) with horns coming out from behind his eyes.

FINAL THOUGHTS
I had an awful lot of fun with this one.  It's a hell of a lot of fun and the performances are all extremely campy, especially Daniel Roebuck who wrenches up his performance to an eleven once he's possessed.  Terror Eyes (to the best of my knowledge) has never been released on DVD.  This VHS only gem is well worth hunting down a copy and firing up your VCR.  You could also watch the film in it's entirety on YouTube, but I think that would be far less fun.  VHS OR BUST BABY!

Back of the VHS box.  Just don't make 'em like they used to!

Night Vision - Viciously Haunted VCR

Night Vision
1987
D: Michael Krueger
W: Nancy Gallanis, Michael Krueger, Leigh Pomeroy

S: Stacy Carson, Shirley Ross & Tony Carpenter
Not Rated - 102 Min

Taglines:
 - A Window To The Future And A Gate To Hell

Alternate Titles:
A Última Sessão (The Last Session) - Brazil
Vaarallinen video (Hazardous Video) - Finland
O aetos tis nyhtas (The Eagle of the Night) - Greece







"Do you know what we do to kids like you?  We lock them up in the back and make up watch Seasame Street........backwards.......so you can't learn the alphabet!"
                                                                                                               -Jill

* This screen cap comes courtesty of KinderTrauma

October is done.  Halloween has come and gone.  It was quite an epic month and I would like to extend a slightly delayed, but very heartfelt THANK YOU to Brandon Early from Movies At Dog Farm for inviting me to participate in his Pre'Ween: 2014.  It was an absolute blast and I was in fantastic company with the myriad of other personalities contributing.  I can't wait for next year!

I know I've been away for a little while, but coming back from our trip to Sleepy Hollow, we kinda walked into a mini shit-storm of which I will not bore you with the details.  Suffice to say Midnight Cinephile had to take a spot on the back burner for a bit.  Things are more or less back on track now, however,  so let's just pick up and act like nothing happened!

Jill rings up Nazi Rectal Roundup for a customer (I'm not making that title up!)

Right, so....Night Vision.  This was backlogged on my DVR from the beginning of October.  I have absolutely no recollection of recording it and I was even more surprised that it said that it was recorded off of Turner Classic Movies.  Now, I really had no idea what the film was going to be like and I know that TCM will show some newer stuff every now and then....but it's description  (A would-be writer finds nightly inspiration from a satanic video tape) to be rather odd for them.....though they do show some out-there stuff on TCM Underground.  This may be the first time that I've seen an SOV horror flick however!

I digress.  Night Vision completely lived up to it's one-sentence synopsis.  A young writer named Andy moves from Kansas to The City.  To be honest, I don't think that they ever mention the city by name.....so I have to assume it's supposed to be New York or Philly....it looks kinda chilly there.  Anyway, he arrives and moves into a flea bag motel with some colorful characters.  The owner is your typical tough-as-nails-take-no-bullshit-loudmouthed-with-a-good-heart-deep-down kinda woman.  You know the type.  There is also prostitute with a southern accent.  Just to keep us off guard, the prostitute is played by a man.  It's never made clear if it's supposed to be a drag queen or if the character is simply played by a male (like John Travolta playing the mother in Hairspray).  

This is Andy.  He's like a low rent Clark Kent...only no glasses....and he doesn't turn into Superman.

It's not long before Andy starts looking for a day job and applies at a small Mom & Pop video store (you KNOW this film automatically gets bumped up for featuring a Mom & Pop shop!).  There he meets Jill, a street-wise and crusty video clerks who's seen what the city can do to a wide eyed kid.  Speaking of kids, there's a kid trying to steal porno tapes from the store and when Jill catches him she threatens to tie up in the back room and make him watch Sesame Street in reverse!  Needless to say the dialog is really wonky, but that works in the film's favor and adds to the bizarre dream-like quality. 

On the way home from the video store, Andy saves a street hustler named Vinnie from two hooded figures who were threatening him.  Apparently, he stole something they want.  As a way of saying "Thank You" for the rescue, Vinnie steals some beer and invites Andy back to his place, where he gives him a stolen TV and VCR.  Nice guy, that Vinnie.  

That's not a leotard.....Vinnie's got matching undies and top!

This is where shit starts heading south for our poor nebbish hero.  See, Vinnie stole that TV and VCR from a local satanic cult.  What he didn't know was that there was a VHS tape (you remember those, right?  Be Kind....Rewind!) in the VCR.  Turns out the cult had been filming some of their rituals and the tape was imprinted with evil.  Every night Andy ends up watching the pulsing green screen intertwined with bizarre images.  The next thing he knows, he wakes up with a horror story completely written.  Unfortunately these horror stories are also mirroring terrible killings that are happening around the neighborhood.  Is Andy having visions?  Is he linked psychically to the satanic cult or even Satan himself?  Is he becoming possessed by a VCR?  This my friends, is drama!

I've gotta tell you that I was downright surprised by how much I enjoyed this one.  I went in not knowing what to expect and I came out pretty darn entertained.  Another win for the SOV movement of the 80's.  I'm sorry I didn't have time to pull my own screen caps for this one, but I did manage to find a few stills from around the net.  The stills I pulled were labeled as coming from You Tube and Vimeo so I don't have any names to give credit to.

Gore

There's a little bit of the red stuff splashed around, but not too much.

T&A

There's also a li'l bit o' skin on display as well during the obligatory love scene between Andy and Jill.  Oh yeah, and Vinnie in his underwear.  I'm still trying to forget that though.

Creatures Featured

No creatures...but we do get a satanic cult and a haunted VCR......that's something ya don't get to see too often!

Final Thoughts

This is a slow-burn type of film.  Not a lot happens for long stretches of time, but you won't even notice because you will be completely caught up in the surreal world of this characters and you'll want to just hang around with them.  As near as I can tell this is a VHS only title....but I really don't think that this flick needs a DVD release.  It breathes and bleeds analog and that's pretty damn amazing.

Final Rating 

Three out of Five Pizza Rolls

Microwave Massacre - Gourmet Murder in Minutes!

Microwave Massacre
1983
Directed by Wayne Berwick
Written by: Thomas Singer (screenplay) Craig Muckler (story)
Starring: Jackie Vernon, Loren Schein & Al Troupe

Unrated - Runtime Approx 76 Min.



Taglines:
None

Alternate Titles:
La masacre del microondas (The Slaughter of the Microwave)  Spain
Γεύματα φρίκης (Meals Horror)  Greece

Mikrofalowe morderstwo  (Microwave Murder)  Poland




"M-M-M-May?  In the microwave?"
                                                      -Donald

One of the classics of the VHS era, I don't think that there was a Mom & Pop video store around that didn't have this one in their horror section.  I can only imagine how many horror freaks like me saw this awesome Thriller Video box and imagined a visceral and gory romp.

Technically May gave Donald crabs...heh heh....
Yeah, yeah, I'm immature.

May serves up some ungodly gourmet creation

What we get instead is basically a screwball comedy with some gore effects.  The film follows a construction worked named Donald (played by none other than Jackie Vernon who was the voice of Frosty the Snowman!) whose wife, May, has decided that she will only cook gourmet meals with her brand new top of the line microwave.  Poor Donald just wants something plain and easy to eat.

After their fight, May goes to pieces.
Literally. 

I wonder if he wants to hold the MAY-o
Jesus the jokes are bad this time around, aren't they?

A guy can only take so much and after coming home drunk one night and finding that May has yet again cooked an inedible conglomeration of so called gourmet ingredients.  After a fight and demanding a bologna sandwich, Donald kills May in a drunken rage.  When he wakes up in the morning he has no recollection of what he's done.  He's not all that distraught when he discovers that he's shoved his dead wife in her beloved microwave.  Trying to hide the evidence, Donald cuts her up and hides her remains in the freezer.

One night he accidentally eats a bit of her arm and finds her quite tasty.  He lets his work buddies try some of the May Meat and they love it, though they do say it tastes a bit "old".  Thus begins Donald's killing spree....finding young nubile women, bringing them home, banging them and then turning them into meat dishes!silly

Frosty...er...Donald puts the moves on his first meal....er...victim.

BOOBS!

It is a little weird listening to Frosty the Snowman as he talks to his therapist, telling him how he can't get off unless he eats the woman afterwards.  Literally, eats her.  Other funny moments include Donald having dreams of making sandwiches out of naked women lying on his kitchen table, complete with giant slices of bread and giant knife with mayonnaise!

Dinner's Ready!

Midnight Cinephile Tally

Death Toll:  In total we've got five deaths here!  Not bad....not good, but not bad.

Nude O Meter:  We've got a good three pair of boobs to oogle here!

Things That Go Bump In The Night:  Donald the Cannibalistic Microwave Murderer!

Final Thoughts
To be perfectly honest, while it was good for a laugh I can't see myself going back to revisit this movie often.  It's got everything that I should love in a trash flick, boobs, body parts and a ridiculous premise (not to mention the voice of Frosty as a serial killer!), yet I found myself not having that much fun with it.  Definitely an all to typical case of the amazing box art outshining the movie, but hey, I'm still glad I saw it!

Final Rating
Two out of Five Pizza Rolls