The Brain - Toothy Grey Matter

The Brain

1988

D: Ed Hunt
W: Barry Pearson
S: Tom Bresnahan,  Cynthia Preston & David Gale

Rated R - Approx 94 Minutes
Brightstar Films


Taglines:
 - The Pounding of the Afterbrain Signals Vengeance and Death!
 - Mind over Matter.


Alternate Titles:
Manipulations - France (Video Title)
Evil Mastermind - Greece
The Bed - Hungary
























"That's food for thought!"
                               -Dr. Anthony Blakely

I originally was going to start up reviews with something completely different, but I could not resist the urge to review this amazingly cheesy bit of canuxploitation.  Why, you ask?  Well, I've been wanting to see this little slice of fried gold since I first came across it in the early 90's at my local Blockbuster Video.  I would have happily rented it many a Friday night, but the damn thing was never in.  The empty case just sat on the shelf taunting me.  For those who may not remember the good ol' days of Blockbuster Video, they would keep the empty VHS (or DVD) covers on the shelf with the actual copies of the film BEHIND it in Blockbuster clamshell cases.  I'm pretty sure that The Brain sat there empty on the shelf for over three years.  Staring at me. Taunting me.  To the best of my knowledge it has never been official released on DVD here in the states (though it did get a UK release which is now out of print) and eventually it just sort of slipped out of mind (pun INTENDED) until I was going down the Amazon Prime Instant Video Rabbit Hole(™) and came across a listing for The Brain.  I wasn't sure it was the same film though because it had a really weird poster:

What in the hell is that?  First off, that dude does no appear in the movie.  Hell this still isn't even from the movie.  What does a railway worker running next to a train have to do with an alien brain hypnotizing Canadian folk?  Very odd indeed.  Had I not clicked on the poster out of sheer curiosity, I would have totally missed it!

Having said all that, The Brain was everything that I was hoping for and so much more!  Questionable acting, goofy special effects and a slimy rubber monster brain that just might be one of my all time favorite movie monsters! 

The film revolves around Dr. Anthony Blakely who hosts a show called Independent Thinkers.  Which is rather hilarious because with the help of an evil alien brain from who knows where, he hypnotizes people through the show and causes hallucinations.  Those who refuse to watch his show and those who are resistant to The Brain's hypnosis are hunted down mercilessly.  Such is the case with our hero, Jim Majelewski and his girlfriend Janet.  See Jim's parents bring him to Dr. Blakely to try and fix his rebellious behavior and the good doctor hooks him up to some electrodes and The Brain tries several times to hypnotize him, unsuccessfully.  The Brain then causes Jim to hallucinate a naked woman.  Hey, if you're gonna hallucinate, there are worse things to see!  Eventually, Jim breaks through the hallucination as well and is told to go on his way.  That's when The Brain launches it's attack on poor Jim.  As the audience we're never sure what's real and what's a hallucination as we follow Jim and Janet on the run, which I thought was kinda cool.  We're just along for the ride.

The Brain is basically an 80's overhaul of the giant brain flicks of the 50's....stuff like The Brain From Planet Arous and Fiend Without A Face.  It's 100% pure cheddar and 100% what you are looking for if you're in the mood for a fun monster flick on Friday night.  Add some pizza, booze and like minded friends and you've got the makings of a great movie night.  Show it as a double feature with another 80's-tastic monster flick like Neon Maniacs and you've got yourself a damn fine night!

Gore

As I mentioned before there are some decent gore gags here.  Decapitations, disemboweling, people getting eaten by The Brain.....all kinda goodness!

T&A

We got yer boobs right here!  Sure, they're hallucinatory boobs, but hey.....boobs are boobs!

Monsters

The Brain!  I don't know where it comes from or why exactly it's here, but it starts out the size of a dog and grows to the size of a pick-up truck by the end of the movie.  See, it grows every time it eats someone.  The monster is a giant rubber/latex beast with weird unblinking eyes and giant gnashing teeth.  In short.....it's awesome.

Final Thoughts



It's a strange thing watching a film that you've wanted to see for damn near thirty years!  Often times you're only setting yourself up for disappointment, but in this case, I was quite pleasantly surprised by how much I dug the film!  What more can you ask for?!

Witchboard - Ouija Worries

Witchboard
1986
D:Kevin S. Tenney
W: Kevin S. Tenney
S: Todd Allen, Tawny Kitaen, Stephen Nichols  
Rated R - Approx 98 Min
Paragon Arts International


Taglines:
 - Never play it alone
 - This game could be fatal. Don't play it alone.
 - Pray for survival till dawn

 
Alternate Titles
Ghost Killer - Brazil
Maelstrom/Bewitched Circle - Finland
Play Magic & Death -  Greece
Demonic Game - Hungary
Spellbound Board - Russia

"Oh man, multiple sadness!"
                                  -Lloyd

I've had Witchboard in my collection for quite sometime but I've never watched it before.  As a matter of fact, I actually saw one of it's sequels (Witchboard III) way back in the day when it was making it's run on cable, but I somehow never got around to watching the original.  It was not until I started listening to Rob "Flack" O'Hara's excellent Multiple Sadness podcast, which is a podcast devoted to bad movies.  The show takes it's name direct from this movie.  The line is uttered by Lloyd after his friend's tire is flattened by a supernatural presence.  It's such a perfectly odd thing to say and it apparently resonated and stuck with Rob and his friend, who then would continue to quote the line to each other and ultimately ended up as the title of a b-movie podcast!  Rob, you can mail the advert check direct to me.  ;-)

 As you may have surmised, this is a film about the dangers of using a Ouija Board.  Jim and Linda throw a party for their friends at their apartment.  Among the invitees is Brandon, who is not only Linda's former boyfriend, but also used to be Jim's best friend when they were kids.  You can tell that the tensions are running a bit high with these fellas.  Brandon has brought along his Ouija board and with a little coaxing from Linda agrees to give the group a demonstration.  He contacts a familiar spirit that he's talked before named David....the spirit of a ten year old boy who drowned.  Jim isn't buying any of the hokum and is openly mocking Brandon and David.  The spirit becomes agitated, the board flies up off of his lap.  There is a loud bang outside.  That's when our boy Lloyd looks outside and says "Oh man, multiple sadness" and notices that Brandon's tire is blown out.  

Linda borrows Brandon's Ouija board and against his advice starts to use the board by herself.  She begins talking with David and they strike up a friendship.  They talk about the possibility of David reincarnating into her unborn child (which David declines because he does not like Jim) and the little ghost tyke even helps her find her lost diamond ring, which fell in the bathroom sink drain.

It's right around this time that Jim and Lloyd are taking a break at their job on a construction site.  Jim has misplaced his hammer...which is actually a hatchet.  But apparently that is the standard issue at that construction company.  Weird.  He and Lloyd have a nice lunch and just as they're about to go back to work, a bunch of sheetrock that was on the second floor of the house frame falls on Lloyd, killing him.  Bummer.  

Linda is becoming more and more obsessed with the Ouija board and Brandon is concerned, which causes even more friction between him and Jim.  Brandon starts asking if Linda's been displaying any strange symptons...which he calls Progressive Entrapment.  In short....if she is being targeted by a spirit she will have mood swings, get nauseous, etc.....which are also signs of pregnancy....and Linda believes she is pregnant.  

Brandon brings a medium to the apartment to try and rid the couple of the malevolent spirit.  At first, the session appears to be a success, but things quickly go from bad to worse when Linda is hospitalized after a ghost attack.  The boys put aside their differences and head up north to investigate the circumstances of David's death and it is there that they begin to mend their friendship.  It is also there that they discover the truth behind the evil entity that has been plaguing Linda.

I enjoyed the film quite a bit.  It was rather reserved for an 80's horror flick.  There are no real ghost effects to speak of, save for some objects moving by themselves and doors slamming by themselves.  I found that at once refreshing and also disappointing.  I was expecting some monster/ghost effects for the big reveal.  I mean, c'mon, it's 1986!  Let's get a dude in a rubber suit or something and shine some neon purple and green lights on him and call it a ghost!  Nope.  Not at all!  

The acting is exactly what you would expect from a mid 80's horror flick.  Wonky dialog and questionable line delivery add up to a pretty damn good time.  You need look no further than the "multiple sadness" line.  Ah, Lloyd...you left us much too soon.  Really, they should have kept Lloyd around longer.  I can only imagine what magical nuggets of wisdom may have spewed forth from his mouth had he only NOT laid down on the job.  DAMNIT LLOYD!

GORE
There's a few gore gags in here....Lloyd gets a pile of sheet rock dropped on him and subsequently bleeds out of most of his orifices.  Another character gets an axe to the head.......etc.

T&A
There is a brief scene of Linda in the shower and we get to see pretty much all of her.

MONSTERS
Well, there's a malevolent ghost, but like I said there's no monstrous form to the ghost.  We do get to see the corporeal form of the ghost briefly.

FINAL THOUGHTS
This film got me thinking.  I've got an open mind.  My grandmother had a psychic gift (so says my mother...I never met my grandmother) and was quite impressive from what I hear....and I've had my own paranormal experiences.  One thing that always gets me though is the amount of people who have Ouija board stories.  It seems that everyone and their uncle has some personal horror story to relate about Ouija boards.  The thing is......I don't buy it.  "Don't use those...they're SO dangerous!  You can lose your soul!  You can summon The Devil!"  Blah blah blah.  Nope.  First off, I've tried.  Extensively.  I guess I'm no susceptible to the ideomotor response, which is primarily how Ouija boards work.  The leading Ouija boards are made by Hasbro and Parker Brothers.  I'm sorry, but you're not going to get your soul sucked out by a toy that you bought in Aisle 13 of Toys 'R' Us.

Underwurlde - Deep In The 8-Bit Underground

I was obsessed with the family Commodore 64 in my childhood and spent many a happy hour playing my favorite video games in front of that tiny (by today's standards, anyway) monitor.  As much as I loved the games I owned (and I owned quite a few!) there was still an entire world of games that seemed just out of reach.  

My father subscribed to Compute!'s Gazette magazine.  Among the varied articles on anything and everything Commodore, there were also a metric shit ton (yes, that is an actual measurement!) of ads for new games and such.  I would pour over these ads and marvel and the wild and often beautiful box art.  Sometimes you were lucky enough to get a screenshot with the box art.  Sometimes not.  I vividly remember the first time I saw an ad for Underwurlde.  There was something about the art that told me that this game was geared more for adults, or at least older kids.  There were no cartoon characters or spaceships, just a demonic looking entity front and center.  There was something otherworldly about it to be sure and in my young adolescent mind, this was a game that would be intense.

As fate would have it, I never got to play a copy of Underwurlde.  Whenever we went to a store that sold computer games, I would scour the shelves looking for it, but to no avail.  This was the case with many a game that I would spy in gaming adverts in Compute!'s Gazette or other computer mags.  Life went on and time went by and eventually I forgot all about Underwurlde.  

It wasn't until I was researching something entirely different that I came across that box art again.  A flood of nostalgia ripped through me and I knew that the time had come to finally realize a childhood dream.  Thanks to the invention of emulators, I was finally going to play Underwurlde.  I was surprised by the fact that I had butterflies in my stomach as I booted up the game.  I was no longer a thirty-six year old man sitting in my office, I was a ten year old boy and I was about to experience something that seemed so intangible for so long.

The title screen booted up and a fresh wave of excitement hit me.  I had no idea what was coming next and my fingers twitched in anticipation.  Was this going to be an RPG of sorts, like the D&D games that SSI used to put out?  Was it an action game?  Adventure?  More than likely action as I noted that it was from Ultimate and Firebird.  I had fought the urge to look it up online before playing.  

The title screen!  

The game began and I was a little surprised to find that I was looking at a little solid colored sprite.  He kinda looked like he was wearing a pith helmet.  What in the hell?  So.....I'm like a jungle explorer?  Huh, didn't see that coming.  It would appear that I'm in a castle or mansion.  There are flying jellyfish and birds coming at me.  They are also monochrome....but each is a different color, which is nice.  

Huh....not what I was expecting.

The grey bird is a statue you can jump on.  Green bird and pink jellyfish are enemies.

I run around for a bit.  Jump on some stuff, but can't seem to get anywhere.  The enemies don't seem to damage me, but they do knock me around and cause me to tumble like a Boston College student on St. Patrick's Day.  After about five minutes it becomes clear that I'm going to need some assistance.  I find the manual online and give it a read.  Now we're getting somewhere!

With the controls now understood I pick up a slingshot (that sort of looks like the outline of a bird) and start to shoot monsters with a never ending supply of rocks.  I start to explore the castle and find that simply jumping into a wall will cause you to tumble.....and that's when I discovered that this game is VERY vertical.  Not only must you explore the castle, but there is a vast underground network of caverns to explore as well.....an.......wait for it.......UNDERWURLDE!  The aim is to find three special weapons (the slingshot is NOT special) to defeat three different guardian monsters and then escape the castle through one of three exits.

Whoa! Man eating plants!

You can ride bubbles!

I'm not going to lie,  At first, I was a bit disappointed with the game....it was absolutely nothing like I envisioned.  That beautiful and otherworldly artwork was used to advertise this cartoony and rather frustrating game.  The game has some glaring flaws....the controls are a bit off (though to be fair that could be because of the emulator) and the hit detection was a bit glitchy (also...maybe the emulator).  Something kept me playing though.  I wanted to see what was on the next screen.  

I have not completed the game, but I am somewhere around halfway through, I guess.  I have just found the second weapon (a bow and arrow...the first was a dagger) and I have defeated the first guardian (wasn't very had.  He just stood there while I shot him with daggers.  He was a squiggly kinda octopus/bug looking thing....I don't know....he had tentacles and/or legs!)  Thanks to the emulator, I was able to save my position and I will continue on later tonight.

You can also go all Spelunker and use a rope in the caverns.

The First Guardian!

After playing I went online to do a bit of research and discovered that Underwurlde is part of the Sabreman series of games that Ultimate released in the 80's.  Very popular on the ZX Spectrum and it looks like it was fairly popular on the Commodore as well.  That would explain why my little fella didn't look like he belonged fighting demons in the Underwurlde, I guess!  At any rate....it's a glitchy game and it's a bit frustrating, but it's worth a look I think.  This has truly been quite an experience.  I wonder how I would have reacted to the game when I was a kid?  Would have been upset that it wasn't the grown up game that I thought it was, or would I have embraced it's cartoon-like atmosphere?  Interesting question.......

An Underwurlde Map that I found online.  I don't know if it came with the game or if it's a fan creation.

WolfCop - One Man K-9 Unit

WolfCop
2014
D: Lowell Dean
W: Lowell Dean

S: Leo Fafard, Amy Matysio, Sarah Lind 
Unrated - Approx 79 Min
Echolands Creative Group

Taglines:
 - Here Comes The Fuzz
- Dirty Harry...Only Hairier

Alternative Titles:
None









"For your safety you should keep him away from booze.....and donuts"
                                                                                          -Willy

We cinephiles are living in quite an interesting age.  The state of film as it is now is far more self aware than it's been in it's 100 plus year history.  Those of us who grew up with the magic of video stores and VHS tapes have grown up and some of us are now making our own movies.  Movies that we wished we could have seen in our youth.  Enter WolfCop.  While it doesn't strive to emulate the 70's or 80's outright,  it wears it's influences on it's sleeve.

Officer Lou Garou to the rescue......

Jess, the bartender.  She's got really nice............um....teeth.

Officer Lou Garou (A play on the french word for werewolf:  loup-garou) is an alcoholic cop who stumbles into trouble when he is turned into a werewolf by a cult in the woods.  Suddenly Lou's senses are through the roof and he becomes a super cop and one man K-9 unit!  Lou's taking down the bad guys that he used to turn a blind eye too all the while trying to figure out how to deal with his new powers.

Transformations are a bit......messy

Willy...the local crackpot becomes Lou's right hand man.

I've been a fan a werewolf films for as long as I can remember and I'll be honest with you, for the past decade or so, it's been pretty rough going with a slew of half ass flicks that feature terrible CGI transformation scenes and laughable wolfmen.  Sure they're fun for what they are and good for a laugh, but I've been really longing for a good werewolf transformation.  WolfCop delivers that.  Interestingly, instead of Lou just growing hair and having his body metamorphosize (I think I just made that word up......fuck it....I'll go with it!) he literally tears away his skin to reveal the wolf underneath.  This isn't the first time that this has been done.....the werewolf in Van Helsing comes to mind.  But where as that was all done with CG, WolfCop is all practical effects and they're very well done.

It's The Fuzz!

Lou's werewolf form is also quite excellent, calling to mind the original WolfMan, which is a welcome change as well.  Many films try to either make werewolves too human and just add some extra hair around the actors face and hands along with some clawed fingernails.  Others go full wolf.  It's nice to have another balance wolf/man hybrid.  It's an awesome sight to see WolfCop in a torn up police uniform fighting baddies....ripping off their faces and severing limbs and such.

If you're in the mood for something different and you love werewolf flicks, then WolfCop is a must.  It would have fit right in on a video store shelf at Video Paradise back in 1987 and it's a welcome addition to my collection.  Here's hoping that WolfCop II comes to fruition as promised!

Did I mention WolfCop has a WolfMobile?????

You got FACED son!

Gore
You want gore?  I got your gore right here for ya.  You've got face ripping, decapitations, limb severing, messy werewolf transformations.....you will not want for the red stuff while watching WolfCop!

T&A
You like boobs?  Trick question, of course you do!  Boobs too!  We're two for two so far!

Monsters
Well, DUH!  It's called WolfCop!  What you got here is a big ol alcoholic lycanthrope with a badge and a gun and he's not afraid to use 'em....or his claws.  Whoa!  Three for three!  It's got the Don Dohler seal of approval!  Blood, Boobs & Beasts!  See what I did there?

Final Thoughts
What can I say that I haven't already said to convince you to go and watch WolfCop?  Seriously!  What more do you want?  Stop reading....go on Amazon....or hell, it's Spring....jump in your car, drive to Best Buy and BUY WOLFCOP!  DO IT NOW!

Vamp - Nudie Bar of the Damned

Vamp
1986
Directed by Richard Wenk
Written by: Donald P. Borchers & Richard Wenk

Starring Chris Makepeace, Sandy Baron & Robert Rusler

Rated R - Approx 93 Min.
Balcor Film Investors

Planet Productions

Taglines:
 - A Frightening Comedy
 - the first kiss is the deepest.
 - Ever have one of those nights?

 - The first kiss could be your last.

Alternate Titles:
El club del terror (The Horror Club) - Argentina
A Noite dos Vampiros (Night of the Vampires) - Brazil
La fiesta de los vampiros (Feast of the Vampires) - Peru

Clube da Meia-Noite (Midnight Club) - Portugal


"Formica....go figure!"
                                    -AJ

In all the years that I haunted the aisles of my beloved Video Paradise, there was one film that constantly eluded me:  Vamp.  The film was constantly rented out, it seemed and I was obsessed with seeing it.  I was mesmerized by Grace Jones clownish make-up and red hair on the cover.  I had only ever seen her in Conan the Destroyer before (I wasn't interested in 007 flicks back then so I hadn't seen A View To A Kill Yet) and quite frankly she kinda freaked me out in her role as Zula.  But there was something dark and sensuous about her on that VHS cover.

Just some guys out on the town on a Friday night.....what could go wrong?

Our little Mom & Pop video store closed before I was ever able to rent the flick.  Blockbuster had a copy as well, but for whatever reason there was always something else that had caught my attention.  Eventually VHS was replaced by DVD and Vamp vanished from the shelves as well as from my memory for quite some time.  I eventually caught it on late night TV once, but it was either a UHF station or basic cable, because it was heavily edited.  No nudity and no gore.  Which, let's face it, are the selling points of this film!  I'll be honest:  I fell asleep.  Hey, it was late, cut me some slack!

Thus we are brought to present day, where I was finally able to watch the film in it's original format thanks to Netflix.  So was it everything that I had hoped for?  Well....yes.  Yes it was.  First of all, I knew that it was going to be entertaining simply because Gedde Watanabe (Long Duk Dong from Sixteen Candles) was in it!  Add to that one of my favorite 80's wiseacres, Robert Rusler, and I knew that I was rediscovering pure 80's gold.

I dunno what it is....but yeah....this does it for me.  She's like a sexy tribal Ronald McDonald!

AJ (Rusler) and his pal Keith (Chris Makepeace) are a couple of wisecracking college guys trying to get into the big fraternity on campus.  After AJ promises the frat brothers a stripper to impress them, the pair recruit the school's nerdy rich kid, Duncan to loan them a car to head into the city, in exchange they will pretend to be his friends for a week.  Nice guys, eh?

They set their sights on a little place called the After Dark Club which only opens.....wait for it....after dark!  While waiting in a local diner, they run afoul of an odd group of punks lead by the ever bizarre Billy Drago (who is playing an albino!?).  After narrowly escaping with their limbs intact, the fellas head to the club to scope out the talent and try to score themselves a private dancer.....a dancer for money....she'll.....ya know what...I'm just not going to do it.

I remember you....whoa oh whoa oh.....

Inside the club, we are witness to Katrina (Grace Jones) and her ultra erotic, yet completely unsettling strip tease.  Here is where she is wearing the iconic white make-up from the film's VHS cover.  Besides the stark white face paint and bright red hair, her body is covered in tribal like markings, also in white paint and wearing a metal bikini that puts Princess Leia's to shame.  Not to mention her piercing blue eyes.  The first time I watched this sequence, it kinda freaked me out a bit.  Jones' performance is animalistic and completely bizarre, but goddamn if it isn't sexy!

Apparently, AJ agreed with my assessment because he decides that she's the perfect performer for their college friends.  He arranges to meet her back stage, where she seduces him (again freaky, yet oddly erotic) and then the whole thing takes a HARD left.  Teeth sprout out, eyes roll back in her head and she gets REAL ugly before taking a chunk out of AJ's neck and feeding on him.

Keith and Duncan meanwhile are waiting out in the club when Keith runs into Allison, who apparently knows him but he does not remember her.  As they begin their search for AJ things start to get even weirder for our heroes.  Apparently the whole town is in on this vampire thing and they don't want Keith, Duncan or Allison getting out to tell anyone.

Vamp is a hyper-stylized film.  The use of neon purple and green lighting in many of the outdoor city (and sewer) scenes lends a very distinct otherworldly vibe.  Only in the 80's could you pull of these kinds of visuals.  The soundtrack is also a quite fitting mesh of new wave, rock and electronica, composed by Jonathan Elias.

AJ's got more than a complexion problem here....

Midnight Cinephile Tally

Death Toll:  A lot of people and vampires die, that's for sure!  Exactly how many?  To be honest I forgot to keep track on this one.  I was completely enthralled by the 80's goodness.  I will have to re-watch and then edit this!

Nude O Meter:  There's plenty of flesh on display in the After Dark Club.  If 80's boobs are your thing, then you've come to the right place.

Things That Go Bump In The Night:  Vampires.  Lots and lots of Vampires.  And Billy Drago.  That guy is so weird.....

Final Thoughts
This is absolute must see 80's horror/comedy here.  There isn't anything that I don't like about this movie.  It's got everything.  Vampires, strippers, vampires, blood, vampires, neon lights, vampires, strippers, vampires, Robert Rusler....um....vampires.....Gedde Watanabe......erm......vampires.  It's like this:  There are only two vampire movies that are MUST SEE from the 80's:  The Lost Boys and Vamp.  Everything else is secondary.  There, I said it!  I'm sure that's gonna stir up some shit.......


Final Rating
Four out of Five Pizza Rolls

Midnight Cinephile's Tome of Monsters

I love monsters.  I love monsters of all kinds.  From the most giant kaijus and behemoths to the tiniest horrors and everything in between.  It doesn't matter to me if they are extra-terrestrial, supernatural, created in a science lab or some undiscovered cryptid, each and every monster is an endless source of fascination to me and I want to explore them all.

When I was a kid, I was really into dinosaurs (like most red blooded boys).  The thought that these giant creatures once stood in my backyard was enough to set my young mind racing.  I had tons of books and had a good many species of dinosaur memorized.  I could spout off facts about them on the spot.  I begged my parents to take me the the museum to see the fossils over and over again.  Those were my first monsters.  My love of dinosaurs of course segued into kaiju movies and giant bug movies of the 50's.  As I grew older and started to explore the genre, I watched anything and everything that had to do with Monsters, Ghouls, Ghosts, Beasts, Creatures....you name it.  

My monster obsession didn't end with just movies though, oh no.  Being a child of the 80's I was also (and still am) an avid gamer.  I spent many a night glued to my TV screen playing Atari, Nintendo and my beloved Commodore 64.  Monsters I'd never even dreamed of appeared in pixilated format.  Of course as time went on, the computers and consoles became more advanced and so did the monsters in the games.

When I was in high school I really started to get the reading bug.  I read tons of Stephen King and Dean Koontz at the time.  Then I was introduced to the works on Edgar Allen Poe and H.P. Lovecraft.  My life was forever changed at the discovery of ancient cosmic horrors that could not be named and to describe them would be to go mad.  Cthulhu became an obsession for me (well before he was a pop culture icon, mind you.....but I'm glad that he's finally getting the recognition that he deserves!) as well as Dagon, Nyarlothotep and of course the Mi-Goo.

I looked for monsters everywhere I went and the 80's were a good time to be a monster fan.  Everything from stickers to trading cards to toys to games to movies....hell even metal bands would paint monsters on their albums.

Hence, The Tome of Monsters.  My personal guide to monsters from anywhere and everywhere.  Movies, Books, Music, Games, Toys, Posters, Folklore, etc.....anything and everything goes.  The idea is that each entry will show a picture of the monster (if there's one available....God help you if I have to draw the damn thing.....I can't draw worth a damn) as well as all the information I can find about it.  For those obscure monsters that may not have any information available about them, I guess I will have to speculate on....or hopefully be able to reach it's creator for some insight.

Anyways, I hope that you dig this new side project.  Perhaps if there's a good enough response I will consider putting the Tome into print format.  We'll see!  Stay tuned for the first entry comin' at ya SOON!

Die-B-Que

From Warlock Home Video comes....Die-B-Que!

Every now and then, a film such as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is branded as an ultra-violent bloodbath, despite the fact that the film is actually nearly bloodless (I am of course speaking of the original, not he '03 redux!).  Sometimes a film manages to ratchet the tension and does such a fantastic job of allowing the audience to imagine the horror for themselves that, after viewing the film, it will seem much more violent and harrowing than what was physically depicted on screen.

Die-B-Que claims that it has been called "!The Most Brutal Film Of All Time!".
Is it?
Nope.
Does it, like TCM, create such an intense experience that it seems more violent?
Nope.  Not even remotely.

The Warlock welcomes you

But you know what?  That is what I love about it.  Warlock perfectly emulates the over-hyped plot synopses that were found on the back of many a VHS box in Mom & Pop video shops around the world.  Low budget movies, especially a lot of the SOV films would hype themselves up with fantastic artwork and overblown plot synopses on the back of the box.  Using phrases like "Many have called this movie...." and "See the film many are saying....." allows the film makers to lay claim to hyperbole such as being "The Most Brutal Film Of  All Time" without actually having to worry about quoting someone.  Quite clever actually.

Lance is ready to Par-TAY!

So what is Die-B-Que?  It's a 35 minute romp of retro fun that, at times, really captures the 80's SOV feel of films such as Cannibal Campout, Video Violence or any number of films by the Polonia Bros.  Being a fan of DIY cinema, I had a lot of fun with this film.  I do have one minor complaint and it is this:  Warlock does a fantastic job of trying to emulate the entire 80's SOV experience.  At the same time, it IS also a satire of the sub-genre and that is fine, but this is where my complaint comes in.  At times, the actors try a little too hard to make it seem amateur and the line delivery is overblown.  Also the characterizations tend to be a tad overtly stereotypical.  Now, again, these are meant to be homages and love letters to the camcorder days of backyard horror, but at the same time they're poking fun at them and I get that.  Sometimes, however, I found myself wishing that it was really a straight laced attempt at emulation.

Hey Dudes!  Welcome to the BBQ!

So having said that, I suppose you would like to know what it's about!

Just.  Ridiculous.

DIE-B-QUE!!!!

"Okay seriously...this happened to a friend"

Brody and his girlfriend Moon Beam go to a BBQ thrown by Brody's friends DJ and Rick.  They are joined by their friend Lance and Axe, a girl that he met the night before.  Apparently the BBQ is a two day event.  The first day most of them sit around drinking and playing Suits while Moon Beam and Brody have one of the most hilarious love scenes ever committed to videotape.  I can never listen to Aaron Neville again with a straight face.  They tell some ghost stories and then call it a night.

Carlos Spiceyweirner?

Everybody Wang Chung Tonight!

 Day 2 is BBQ day, which Rick seems to think is going to be the most epic BBQ of all time.  Well, the festivities get underway.....hotdogs and chips are consumed, beer is drank....there's dancing....sorta.....all is fun and games until a crazy diseased little rat invades the party and unbeknownst to everyone, pisses green stuff all over the steak.  Well, you can guess what happens after the steak is consumed.  People die.....and re-animate!

Eeeewwwwww.......

Yer gonna need some TUMS!

I would have liked to see more of the zombie action, as it really only takes place at the end, but still I can't complain!  If you are looking for a fun way to spend a little more than half an hour, there are far worse ways that Die-B-Que!

As far as extra features there's an interview with "Director" Jackson Furley, which is pretty amusing.  There is also some behind the scenes stuff that is fun to watch as well.  The Warlock himself introduces the film and has a few outgoing words as well, which I thought was a nice touch!

He's beyond TUMS

Coming up with be a review of Hack O'Lantern....also from Warlock.....so stay tuned!