Jones Halloween Soda - Hitting Your Taste Buds Up With A Dose of Nostalgia

With the Halloween Season in full swing now, I took a little trip down to Target.  They always seem to have the best Halloween themed products (I'm looking at YOU Candy Corn flavored Oreos!) and hands down the BEST Halloween Candy selection I've ever seen!  All those delicious treats can make you a bit thirst though.  What to do.....what to do......I know!  How about some Halloween Soda!

The Jones Soda Company has partnered up with Target to exclusively sell their line of Halloween inspired soda flavors.  They come in an 8oz. can and they are beyond awesome.  There are four flavors in all....so let's check 'em out!


Candy Corn

First up we've got Candy Corn flavor!  The can itself is awesome with a vicious Paul Naschy lookin' werewolf snarling.  I think it's pretty awesome that they didn't just go for some goofy "kiddie toon" werewolf.  Naw, this beast will rip you up and ruin your night if he gets a hold on you! That's what I'm talking 'bout!

When I cracked open the can, there was a very heavy sugary smell.  Which is pretty much what I expected from a Candy Corn flavored soda.  The color is a very appropriate and Halloweeny orange.  There was a fair amount of fizz which I liked.  Flat soda sucks.

Okay, enough lookin' at it, let's give it a sip......

If I was blindfolded and I tasted this, my first guess might be some sort of extra sweet cream soda.  After the first sip more of the the candy corn flavor comes through.  If you like candy corn, then I would imagine that you'd like this.  Definitely not that kinda soda that you'd wanna chug....but it makes for a nice sipping drink while watching The Werewolf vs. The Vampire Woman!

Flavor Rating:
B-


Blood Orange

Next up, Blood Orange!  This can is awesome.  The vampire on it reminds me of the vampire shown on the cover of the NES game Monster Party...so automatically it gets awesome points!  Look!  Told ya!  When I was picking this up at the store, I actually didn't look at what the flavor was, and I thought it was a grape flavor!  Only when I cracked it open did I realize it was orange.

When I opened the can, I was surprised to be greeted by a dry orange smell.  When I say dry, I mean it's not super sweet smelling like Sunkist or Fanta....it smelled more like Polar's Orange drink....you know the one, right?   The color is an orange/red color, which is quite fitting for a blood orange!

Time to taste......

This one is actually really good!  It has a bit of a bitterness to it, just like a blood orange and it does have that "dry" kinda thing going on which is hard to explain, but I really enjoyed this one!  Highly recommended, though I must say that of all the flavors, this one does not evoke a Halloween feel...


Flavor Rating:
A


Caramel Apple

Of all the flavors, I was most excited to try this one.  I LOVE candy apples....especially the caramel ones.  Once again, the artwork on the can is outstanding.  We've got a goopy zombie with an eyeball hanging out.  It kinda reminds me of a Madball.  Remember Madballs?  Those things were awesome.

I was downright surprised when I opened this can up!  It actually smelled like caramel apples!  This one definitely gets the prize for best smelling of the bunch.  Thoughts of making caramel apples as a kid flooded my memory.  Opening this can instantly transported me to many a Halloween past.  As I poured it into the glass, I was surprised to find that it had a the appearance of cola.  I'm not sure what color I was expecting.....but the color really isn't all that important, now is it?

Okay, let's take a sip of this bad boy.......

Hhmmm....the caramel comes through quite strong with a sorta apple finish to it.  This reminds me a bit of caramel apple Milky Way bars they're selling this year.  It's really hard to describe.  I think that this is about as close to caramel apple as one can possibly get with a soda.  After a few more sips and some contemplation, I must say I do like it quite a bit!

Flavor Rating:
B+


Red Licorice

Frankenstein adorns the can of the last flavor.  Once again the artwork is great.  Looks life Frankie got a little jacked up here.  Reminds me of the low budget schlock films from the 60's and 70's.  I'm not talking about the Hammer Frankenstein films...oh no....I mean the SCHLOCKY ones, like Dracula vs Frankenstein!

When I cracked this one open, I was expecting a strong fruity/sugary smell.  Instead I got....well....almost nothing.  There was a very faint smell but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.  Undeterred, I poured myself a glass (by the way....if you decide to review soda......take you're time.  Don't be like me and drink four cans in a ten minute span......that's just dumb.) and was pleased to see a nice bright red color.

Last flavor....let's see how it tastes.......

Wow.  Strictly from an emulation standpoint, I would have to say that they nailed it!  This tastes like they took Red Vines and liquefied them.  I'm not going to lie, I was hoping for more of a Twizzler flavor, but this is really quite good.  I wish I had a Twizzler that I could use as a straw!  This being the last of the flavors, I decided to get a handful of ice and enjoy this at a slower pace.  The insane amount of sugar coursing through my veins demanded it!

Flavor Rating:
A-

I've had other stuff from Jones Soda before and I've yet to find a flavor that I dislike, so I knew going into this that I was more than likely going to enjoy each of these.  If I had to put these in order of preference (which is not based solely on flavor, but on full presentation and ability to maximize Halloween fun!) it would go a little something like this:

#1 Red Licorice
#2 Caramel Apple
#3 Blood Orange
#4 Candy Corn

I've been sipping on my Red Licorice soda while writing this review and I just took the last sip.  I think I might be addicted to it now.  The thought that it will disappear like so many specters at the end of the season has me in a panic attack.  I need to stock up.  I'm probably going to to become addicted to the others as well.

Welp....thems the breaks!

I leave you now with some Spooky Fun:

Blood for Irina - Death In All It's Beauty

Blood for Irina
2012
Directed by Chris Alexander
Written by Chris Alexander
Starring Shauna Henry, Carrie Gemmell & David Goodfellow


Not Rated - Approx.  70 min.



Tag Lines:
No sir!

Alternate Titles:
That's a negative, Ghostrider.






I had been waiting for a long time to see this film.  I was fortunate enough to have a fantastic interview with Chris about the film when it was being shown at festivals.  In preparation for the film, I went back and started watching a ton of Rollin and and Franco films.  At long last I was finally able to sit down and watch Blood for Irina....and I was not disappointed.

A slow burn film, which follows the last days of a dying vampire as she stalks the streets for her last victims.  She resides in a broken down motel by the sea, watched over by the motel manager, who keeps her secret.  The motel is in complete disrepair and it is at once melancholic and beautiful....and it beautiful mirrors Irina, who is also beautiful, but dying.  In Irina's nightly excursions, her path crosses with that of a prostitute who looks like she may not be doing much better.

The film is gorgeously shot and drips atmosphere with every frame.  The mood is further cemented by the minimalist, yet haunting soundtrack, also written by Mr. Alexander and in the seventy minute running time there is almost no dialog.  Don't let that sway you though.....as I truly believe that dialog would have gotten in the way of the story.  It truly is most impressive, as even the silent films of the early days of cinema would rely on text cards to help tell their stories or deliver some dialog, that Blood for Irina can make such a powerful connection to the viewer with out it.

Midnight Cinephile Tally

Death Toll:  This is not a high body count film.  I'll be honest, I meant to keep track of the body count, but was so entranced with the film that I completely forgot!  We'll say that it's more than one and less than ten!

Nude-O-Meter:  No nudity, but there is much sensuality to be found in some of the scenes.


Things That Go Bump In The Night:  I hate to put Irina in this category, despite the fact that she is a vampire.  She is quite possibly the most sympathetic vampire character that I've seen.  I truly felt as though I was dying with her.


Final Thoughts
So I know what you are thinking....if I loved this film so much, why such a short review?  Well, I'll tell you:  First of all, I think that the less you know about this film going into it the better.  This film is a tapestry that is best unraveled on your own.  There is much to be interpreted for yourself, and I don't want to sway your impression of the film.  I found that it touched me on a very personal level, and I hope that it has the same effect on you.

This film is achingly beautiful and you would be remiss to dismiss it as just another art house vampire flick.  I know that there are those who will not like this film and that's cool....we can't all like the same stuff.  But I am going to go out on a limb here and say that if you read this blog regularly, then you owe it to yourself to watch this film.


Final Rating
Five out of Five Pizza Rolls

The Nude Vampire - Mad Scientist Suicide Cult A Go-Go

The Nude Vampire
1970
Directed by Jean Rollin
Written by Jean Rollin & Serge Moati
Starring  Maurice Lemaître, Caroline Cartier & Ly Lestrong.





Tag Lines:
NONE!  Couldn't find any...but if I missed something, let me know!







Alternate Titles:
La vampire nue (The Naked Vampire) France (Original Title)
Alaston vampyyri (The Nude Vampire) Finland
Das Lustschloss der grausamen Vampire (The Pleasure Palace of the Cruel Vampire) Germany
Die nackten Vampire (The Naked Vampires) West Germany
La vampira nuda (The Naked Vampire) Italy

Okay....well, really, it's more like scantily clad....but still....

Some call it Euro-Horror, Some call it Euro-Trash.....the French call it le cinema fantastique.  It's all in how you look at it.  We're in the dreamy, ethereal world of Rollin again and this, his second feature film, can be a bit difficult to get through at times.  It starts off with some truly impressive imagery.  A young woman with a ornate cloth hood/mask over her head is stripped nude and has blood taken by a lab coat clad man in a red cloth hood/mask while a man in a fucked up animal mask stands guard.  The camera zooms into some technicolor chemicals being drained into beakers and we're then watching as a young woman clad in nothing but see through gossamer.  (That's the material, not the Looney Tunes monster that Bugs runs into in the mad scientist's castle.)  She is running through darkened streets, while being stalked by more men in animal masks.  The use of shadow and light here is phenomenal and creates a real feeling of dread.

See, this is why I hate going to the doctor's office.....

This kind of iconic imagery runs rampant through the film

As she is pursued  she runs into our hero, Georges, who takes her hand and tries to help her escape.  They are cornered, however and she is shot by one of the animal guys.  This was odd, I thought.  Clearly these dudes are part of some sort of cult, and they've got these creepy fuckin' masks....so I'm expecting a ceremonial dagger, a sword....hell even a scythe would have been cool.  Nope.  Takes out a pistol and caps her ass.  Georges, goes all Tarzan and climbs up some girders and gets the hell out of dodge.  Being rather curious as to why he was almost killed he follows the masked killers as they carry her to his father's private club.  When he confronts his father about it, dear old Dad tells him to mind his own business.  Thus begins the mystery.  What is going on?  Who was that girl?  Was she the same girl getting blood drawn?

Georges sneaks into the club after cold cocking a guest arriving and stealing his invitation.  Turns out his father is hosting a suicide club and that mysterious girl is a vampire, who they are keeping captive.  The members who (cheerfully?!) kill themselves are used to feed her.  It's a strange and decadent scene.  As Georges delves deeper into the mystery, we discover that his father is keeping the poor vampire captive to run tests on her, trying to figure out the secrets to immortality.  All is not as it seems though as the movie goes from strange to weird to WTF territory pretty quickly.

Hi there, you may remember my hand from the opening credits.....

Trust me when I tell you that you will have NO idea what's coming next. There are those who say that there is next to no plot in this film, but I can't help but wonder if they are truly watching.  Sure, it's got more missing  logic than a can of Swiss Cheese Holes, but I'll be damned if that really matters.  As I said in my review of The Iron Rose, you shouldn't CANNOT watch these films without surrendering yourself to them.  Amusingly, this film maintains it's mystery for most of it's running time, and then in the final minutes, it lays on exposition so thick, you'll need a sturdy butter-knife to spread it.

Double your pleasure, double your fun!

Or not.  Oh who am I kidding..they're wearing SCHOOL GIRL OUTFITS!

This film works for me on multiple levels.  First off, it's Rollin, which means it's dripping with gorgeous cinematography and vibrant textures.  Trippy outfits galore, especially worn by the lovely twins....who sport some odd, abacus like tops that you simply have to see to believe.  Speaking of the twins, they are in my absolute favorite "So bad it's amazing" scene.  Towards the end of the film, bad girl Solange takes them both out with a pretty massive iron torch.  This is so fantastically awful it's hilarious.  First off, she swings the torch SO slowly, it looks more like she was trying out some weird interpretive dance move.  It is PAINFULLY obvious that the torch doesn't connect with either twin....especially since Twin #2 starts to fall before the snail paced torch even gets to her.  Then to put the icing on the cake, we're treated to one of the twins rolling herself down the stairs while screaming.  Okay....well, actually she rolls down partway, stops, turns herself around and then continues to roll again....naturally pushing herself away from the banister on the way down so as not to bonk her noggin.  It's priceless.  I laughed so hard, I cried.

Say....this beach looks awful familiar......any one seen an iron rose around here?

*SPOILER ALERT!  IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE FILM, SKIP TO THE MIDNIGHT CINEPHILE TALLY!!!!!********

I could not help but wonder, as I watched Caroline Cartier portray the Vampire Girl, if Dan O'Bannon had taken inspiration from The Nude Vampire when writing the Lifeforce screenplay.  I just couldn't help but think about Mathilda May, strolling around in all her naked, vampiric glory.  Obviously Caroline was a little covered with her sheer robe and Mathilda left absolutely NOTHING to the imagination, but still....how many other alien vampire chicks had there been before?  Okay...well, there was Queen of Blood....but still.  This sounds like a good excuse to watch Lifeforce again so that I can make a more informed comparison.  Strictly for academic purposes....has nothing to do with Mathilda's......um......anyway.  I'll touch on this again in a future review of Lifeforce, fair enough?



Midnight Cinephile Tally:


Body Count:  It's tough to get an exact count in this one, because as usual, there are implied deaths.  So, we're gonna go with more than one and less than twenty.

Boob Count:  Well, we start out with the lovely hooded girl in the beginning, who I THINK is The Vampire Girl.....who then runs around the rest of the film in her flowing gossamer, constantly giving us just a peek at her.  There's also a model who strips and has some seriously funky metal nails....

Beast Count:  Well, there are vampires, but I really would be hesitant to call them monsters.  I'll put them animal mask wearing freaks in though.....they were fuggin' creepy!


Final Thoughts:
If you are already a Rollin fan, then you will no doubt dig this warped little oddity.  If you are new to his fever dream aesthetics, then you may want to start elsewhere....

Final Rating:
FOUR OUT OF FIVE PIZZA ROLLS!!!!