Friday, December 13, 2013

Treevenge - The Day The Pines Struck Back!

Directed by Jason Eisener
Written by Rob Cotterill & Jason Eisener
Starring  Jonathan Torrens, Sarah Dunsworth &
Maris Morgan 

Yer Dead Productions
Unrated - Approx. 16 Minutes


Alternate Titles:

I'm a complete sucker for Christmas.  I absolutely love the holiday and I can't get enough.  The day after Thanksgiving, the tree goes up while I listen to Christmas music and drink eggnog.  It's fantastic.  Being that I live in a condo, it's much easier to just put up an artificial tree....and after watching Treevenge, I'm glad that I do!

The trees plea for their lives!

Tree Farm of Terror

The premise of Treevenge will definitely have you scratching your head a bit, but this is purely meant to be a "check your brain at the door and have a good time" kinda film.  See, trees are sentient in this film.  When foul mouth lumberjacks come and cut them down and hall them off to a processing plant (plant....trees.....get it?  Get it?  I crack myself up sometimes) to be sold as Christmas Trees, the poor things have no idea what's happening to them.  Their pleas for mercy fall on deaf ears.


The trees are bought up and brought into people's homes where they are tortured by smiling families placing ornaments and decorations on them. The trees wait and bid their time until Christmas morning when they launch an all out retaliation assault on the unsuspecting humans.  What follows is an unabashed gore-fest that doesn't hold back.

A tree uses it's star as a shuriken, another hacks a man's leg of with an ax, and still another uses it's branches to fasten to lovers' faces together.  Then we get a glimpse of what's going on OUTSIDE in the neighborhood.  Trees are impaling people, raping people and squishing babies!  It's all out carnage as the trees lay waste to the population.

It's a full on Treepocalypse

Midnight Cinephile Tally

Death Toll:  You know what?  I lost count.  We're talking double digits here.

Nude-O-Meter  Well, the trees aren't wearing an if you're a dendrophiliac, this is you're lucky day!

Things That Go Bump In The Night:  Sentient pine trees wielding weapons.  'Nuff said!

Final Thoughts
If you've got a spare 15 minutes or so and you're looking for something a little different....something a little outside the normal Christmas Slasher film, you've got to check this one out.  A completely ridiculous takes about two thirds of the film to get to the good stuff, but it's got such a fun campy vibe that you won't care.  HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

Final Rating
Four out of Five Pizza Rolls

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