Friday, December 13, 2013

Blood Beat - The Wisconsin Samurai Christmas Massacre

Directed by Fabrice A. Zaphiratos
Written by Fabrice A. Zaphiratos
Starring  Helen Benton, Terry Brown, Dana Day

Huskypup Film Productions
Rated R 
Approx. 85 Min.

 - Who can survive it's reign of terror?

 - A force of evil

Alternative Titles
Sortilèges (Spells) France
Pulsschlag des Schreckens (Pulse of Secrets) West Germany

"No Mama.  Stop it.....STOP IT!  Don't try to come into my mind."

 This is a bit of a special review for me.  I've been wanting to watch this movie for well over a decade now....ever since I first read about it in John Stanley's Creature Features film guide back in the late 90's or so.  His three starred capsulized review hit all the right buttons for me:  First of all, it's a regional horror film, which I love.  There is just something so wonky and undeniably charming about regional horror films.  Secondly, it's a holiday themed horror flick.  Third, it's got a phantom Samurai as the bad guy.  What more could you possibly ask for?   So how does the film hold up to my lofty expectations?  Read on....

Okay....this is getting awkward.....

Nuthin' says "Merry Christmas" like murdering Bambi's mother!

First of all, I'm just gonna come right out and say it.....this film doesn't make a lick of sense.  Nothing is explained, the characters are one dimensional and even though this is considered a holiday horror film, you wouldn't know it if it weren't for the decorations.  Now having said that, it may sound like I didn't like the film.  Quite the contrary....BloodBeat is everything I'd been hoping for and so much more!

So let's dive in, shall we?  The film starts with Ted and his sister, Dolly coming home for Christmas.  Ted's brought his new girlfriend, Sarah, home to meet the family.  When Ted's mother and Sarah meet for the first time there is an awkward pause and they stare at each other for a moment before they all go inside.  What's with the odd stare?  Who knows.  Sarah can "feel" Ted's mother watching her even when she's not around and apparently dear old mum feels like she's seen her before.

Random disemboweled guy.

Oh yeah, there's also Gary.  Gary is Cathy's (The mother) boyfriend.  He's a hunter.  Being that this is shot in Wisconsin, they figured they best through in some hunting scenes to up the production value.  As a matter of fact after Ted, Dolly and Sarah get settled in, they all go out hunting.  I guess Sarah isn't much of a hunter because she freaks out as they're about to shoot Bambi's mother between the eyes and runs off.  Sarah ends up running smack into a dude stumbling through the woods who's apparently been eviscerated.  As per horror movie mandate, he dies immediately after bumping into her.

Back at home, Ted puts Sarah to bed....apparently the excitement was too much for her.  Then he and Dolly plop themselves down in front of the Christmas tree to play some Monopoly.  Why am I telling you this?  I's a relevant to the plot as anything else that's going on!

Do not pass not collect $200....Do not go upstairs!

Don't mind me kids....I'll just be weird over on the couch.....

Mom continues to act strange and locks herself away in her painting room where she's painting another piece that will more than likely get hung up around the house.  She's really weird about people coming into her room.  Gary and Cathy get into a fight (I guess to up the drama and tension?) and Gary storms off to watch TV in the living room.  Meanwhile, Sarah finds a Samurai costume and sword in a trunk in the bedroom.....only there is no trunk in the bedroom and no costume or sword.

You know 90% of all household accidents take place in the kitchen....

Now the POV killings start and apparently this glowing blue Samurai is somehow linked to Sarah who apparently has an orgasm every time he kills someone.  One of his victims escapes and leads the ghostly apparition to the family home and then stuff REALLY gets whacked out.  The kitchen comes alive around Gary.  Cathy starts to do her impression of a Parkinson's patient having a seizure and Ted and Dolly are chased around the house my the Samurai, locking themselves in a closet.

I've heard of static electricity, but this is ridiculous!

I am the Ghost of Christmas Past.......psych!

He eventually vanishes and the next day everyone is oddly acting like nothing that odd happened.  As usual, I'm not going to spoil the film, but I will tell you that it only gets weirder and makes less sense from here on out.  The Samurai does some stalking, there's some psychic shenanigans, some other stuff happens and the climax is accompanied by Carl Orff's O Fortuna.  Trust me when I tell that you've heard the song.  I'm 99.9% they did not have permission to use it....which may be one of the reasons that this film has never had an official DVD release.

Midnight Cinephile Tally

Death Toll  As best as I can tell, we've got a body count of Nine.  However, it could be more or less....

Nude-O-Meter  We get a couple of peeks at Sarah's boobs and a darkened sex scene shows her naked butt as well.

Things That Go Bump In The Night  Glowing Blue Samurai Ghost!!!!!!!!

Final Thoughts
This is not only one of the strangest holiday horror flicks I've ever's one of the weirdest flicks PERIOD!  Everything about this movie is slightly off.  The score is a weird electronic mishmash that feels out of place, combined with classical music (and of course the suspected unauthorized use of Carl Orff's O Fortuna) makes for an eclectic soundtrack.  The acting is absolutely terrible.  All of this coalesces into a magical, strange and surreal cinematic experience.  It's got a little gore, a little T&A and a lot of WTF!

Final Rating
Three out of Five Pizza Rolls


  1. I've worn out two copies of John Stanley's Creature Features. I've never seen Bloodbeat, though. I miss seeing regionally produced horror movies filling out the bottom half of a double bill at the drive-in. This sounds like it's worth the effort to find.

  2. I'm on my third copy of Creature Features. Unfortunately for me, I didn't check to see if it was the later edition (which it turns out it wasn't) so I've got to get ANOTHER copy! That book is like my bible! Blood Beat is absolutely worth it if you love regional horror flicks and definitely well worth the effort!