Monday, April 14, 2014

Stitches - There's Nothing Funny About An Undead Clown

Directed by Conor McMahon
Written by Conor McMahon, David O'Brien
Starrring Ross Noble, Tommy Knight, Eoghan McQuinn

Rated R - Approx 86 Min
MPI Media Group
Tailored Films
Fantastic Films
Bórd Scannán na hÉireann 
Solid Entertainment

Tag Lines:
 - You'll Die Laughing
 - Bad Clown

Alternate Titles:
Böser Clown! (Evil Clown) - Germany
Mourir de Rire (Dying of Laughter) - France

"Everybody Happy?"

 "A clown is funny in the circus ring. But what would be the normal reaction to opening a door at midnight and finding the same clown standing there? A clown in the moonlight is not funny."  Those are the words of Lon Chaney Sr. and they ring as true today as when he first spoke them in the 1920's, perhaps even more so.  Coulrophobia (the fear of clowns) is a very real  phenomenon that affects a good many people today.  What exactly is it about a clown that frightens so many?

I may make this my next car......

As a former children's entertainer, I know how he feels....

The clown's painted face, which makes it impossible to identify the person underneath is a good start.  The painted on emotions masking perhaps it's wearer's true intentions and provides a canvas for us to project our innermost fears on.  The outlandish clothing seems completely alien to the normal person.  Clowns usually carry and arsenal of tricks and gags....purposeful deceit and trickery.  To be perfectly honest, I could probably write an entire dissertation on the effects of clowns in pop culture and the rise of coulrophobia since the 1980's, but we'll just keep things centered on one clown in particular today:  Stitches!

Well, that's unfortunate......

Stitches the Clown is portrayed as a less than ethical lower class kids show performer.  That is until he arrives to perform at little Tommy's birthday party.  The kids are all a bunch of ill mannered little shits who quite frankly all deserved severe lashings at the hands of their parents....but I digress.  An unfortunate mishap at the party (The kids tie his shoe laced together and then hit him in the face with a soccer ball, causing him to trip and fall face first onto a blade up knife in the open dishwasher.....mishap.....murder.....whatever you wanna call it) Stitches ends up at the ol' Big Top in the sky.

Because clowns aren't scary enough by themselves...they have to hang out in mausoleums

Welcome back, Stitches!

After Stitches funeral, things get really whacked out when a group of Cirque Du Soliel reject clowns arrive at the cemetery and perform a sacred ritual with an egg to bring Stitches back to life.  Flash forward a few years and Tommy & Co are in high school.  They're still an insufferable bunch of pricks.  Tommy's mother is going out of town so Tommy has a party with his friends.  You can see where this is going right?  Yep, you guessed it.  Stitches comes back from beyond the grave for vengeance.

Now a killer clown stalking kids may not be the most original of plots, but the film is pretty well executed.  The balance between humor and gore is pretty well done as well, with Stitches dispatching the kids in a variety of clownish ways.,  One of the more amusing has a kid getting his brain scoooped out bit by bit with an ice cream scoop as The Cutting Crew's "I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight" is playing at the party.  Other fun deaths include a head explosion via a balloon pump and a head impalement via umbrella.

EYE think that probably hurts!  Get it?  GET IT?

Death by balloon pump!

Midnight Cinephile Tally

Death Toll
 - We've got 6 deaths on tap here, which ain't too bad!

Nude O Meter - No nudity but there is a rather shapely lass in her underwear.....

Things That Go Bump In The Night - Well, there's Stitches the Undead Clown.  Plus the other creepy clowns in the clown cult that were hanging out in the graveyard and brought Stitches back.

Well, that is just pure nightmare fuel.

Final Thoughts
If you're into killer clown movies then this one should hit the spot for you.  It's your typical low budget slasher flick, but it's fun.  I've always been fascinated by people's fears of clowns.  Personally, I don't have any fear of them, but I can see where some people would become uneasy.  I picked this one up on DVD at Best Buy for $5 and it's also streaming on Netflix, so there's really no reason NOT to check it out!

Final Rating
Three out of Five Pizza Rolls


  1. I also enjoyed Stitches, but I'm still waiting for the truly creepy and psychologically scarring experience that I know a scary clown movie could be in the right hands. It seems there's always a comedic element in clown-based horror movies. Go figure.

  2. Well, HOPEFULLY you wish will be fulfilled when I complete my new short film, An Incident at Lake Chiodo. Straight up terror with no comedic elements! Also check out All Hallows Eve for some truly creepy clown stuff!