Invasion of the Blood Farmers

They planted the LIVING and harvested the DEAD!

When I think of wonky old B Movies, there are few titles that pop into my head...and right on top of that list is Invasion of the Blood Farmers, or Αιμα! Τροφη για ζωντανους (Blood! Food for Living) which is the hilarious Greek title!

I remember the first time that I saw IOTBF,  I was on a weekend trip with some friends up in Vermont.  The weather was fantastic.....it was a nice late September weekend, the trees were turning and there was a slight crispness in the air.  We drove aimlessly around for a while, stopping here and there at whatever roadside attractions happened to catch our attention.....tourist attractions and such.  Our plan was to head into Brattleboro later in the evening....find a hotel and head out to the bars.  Somewhere around 6pm, we were at this barn/farm/restaurant and as we ate dinner, we could see thunderclouds literally streaming over the Green Mountains.  In a matter of minutes, the clear sky was a static grey and there was a flash of lightening.  A moment later the rain started....torrential downpours the likes of which I had never seen.  Suffice to say....it was wet.

It was at that moment we started to discuss Plan B.  Nothing kills the fun of pub crawl like getting soaked in the rain when it's only  50 degrees out.  We asked the waitress if she knew of any nearby hotels or any other sort of lodging nearby.  As luck had it, the barn/farm/restaurant also had a few cabins for rent!  So we decided to rent a cabin for the night.  After settling down and figuring out sleeping arrangements (there were two twin beds and a Lay-Z-Boy.  I got the chair....lucky me.) I ventured out to the general store that was just down the road.  There I loaded up on junk food and beer.  There was also a small little video rental stand in the store.  Next to the DVD rack there was a box of VHS tapes that said "3 for $5" and next to THAT was a stack of old VCR's for $10 each.  I rummaged around in the box and found three that looked interesting.  One was Amsterdamned.....a weird movie about a killer using scuba gear to navigate that waterways of Amsterdamn and killing people with a spear gun.  Another was a sci-fi movie that I can't even remember the name of.  I don't really remember much about it....other than a guy wandering around a post apocalyptic wasteland and basically ripping off Mad Max.  It was some Italian movie.  Didn't make an impression at all.  The third of course was Invasion of the Blood Farmers.  I snagged up a VCR and went back to the cabin.

That night we watched all three films.  We watched the Italian Mad Max rip-off first.  Then Amsterdamned.  By the time we got to Blood Farmers we were all liquored up pretty good.  We thought that the hillbilly druids were hilarious.  We had a great time with the film.  Unfortunately the next morning as we packed up our stuff, I completely forgot about my new VCR and movies.  I was in a hangover haze and didn't realize that I didn't pack my new treasures up till we got back home two days later.



So!  What is this whole Blood Farmers flick about?  Well, here we go:  Druids in upstate New York pose as hillbillies and kidnap women....harvesting their blood with what looks like swimming pool pumps.  Their sinister goal is to resurrect their queen with the harvested blood.  That's pretty much int in a nutshell.  What makes the movie so amazing is the ineptitude of the whole thing.  It's rumored that the actors were paid with six-packs of beer and I would be willing to bet that they probably drank through their wages on set.   A fight between a dog and one of the druids is an absolute must see.  Pure fromage of the cheesiest kind.  We're talking 100% Velveeta!



I should mention that this film is greatly improved by watching it while in a chemically altered state of consciousness with like minded friends.  Or if you are a hard-core bad film buff such as myself.  This is a film that not many people have heard of and even less have actually seen it.  For a great write up on the film, check out Issue 83 of Rue Morgue Magazine, in which fellow Blood Farmers enthusiast, John Bowen spotlights the film in his Bowen's Basement column.




VHS tapes on EBAY go for about $20 or more, depending on the quality and condition of the tape.  The Retromedia DVD is now OOP.  I was lucky enough to scoop up a copy of the DVD before they all vanished.  Do yourself a favor and hunt down this film.  Then get a bunch of your  friends together and let the magic happen!