Nobody's Children - Defending the Undefendable

I'm not going to lie.....sometimes I wonder just what the hell I'm doing with my life.  I wonder why I waste my time with a blog that reviews (mostly) films that most people have never heard of, let alone care about.  I'll also review some more current indie films....or you may see a current summer flick in the folds, but by and large Midnight Cinephile is dedicated to the unloved, the forgotten, the esoteric and the obscure.

If I was smart, I'd review higher profile movies all the time, right?  I'd join the legions of self proclaimed film critics who cut up each new release in a myriad of self righteous reviews designed solely to show how very clever I am.  I'd jump on the band wagon and bash everything that doesn't hold up to my horror elitist standards.  The truth is, I'm not that smart.  I don't consider myself a film critic.  I an a cinema lover and I have a special affinity for trash, low budget and obscure films.

Galaxy Invader!

 
This affinity is not just a cinematic crush, it seems to permeate into every facet of my interests.  Let me give you some examples:

 I'm also a big video game fan.  I've got all the toys....XBOX 360, PS3 and a Wii......I'm eagerly awaiting the next gen console's (haven't gotten around to getting a Wii U yet, but it's on the list of toys to get!).  I've got plenty of games to keep me occupied for all three systems.  What do I find myself playing at night after the wife has gone to bed?   Some obscure game that was never commercially released on my Commodore 64 or ZX Spectrum emulators on my computer.

I can probably count the number of people who have played Mind Control on one hand!

I love to read.  There are a ton of new books coming out all the time by top selling authors all the time.  What do I end up reading?  Pulpy, obscure novels from the 70's and 80's that I've found in a second hand book store, flea market or amazon!  Same thing with comics!  There's TONS of new releases that I should be checking out.....what do I always gravitate towards?  Some weird one off that approximately four other people in the world know about.

Ever read the novelization of Halloween III?  I have!

Think it ends there?  Oh no.....it even spreads over into the food I eat!  Now don't get me wrong.....I love me a nice expensive steak dinner.....but I'm just as happy tossing pizza rolls and store brand soda down my throat!  You see?  DO YOU SEE??????

THE Midnight Cinephile snack of choice!

It is 100% ingrained in my DNA to love the cheap, the esoteric and the obscure.  It is my mission in life to defend them and to sing the praises of these underdogs.  You can have your popular movie fan groups.  You can have your book clubs read the latest and greatest.   E3 has the hottest games to show for the upcoming year?  Great.  You wanna have high class expensive snacks?  That's cool too!  I'm not against any of those things.....but if you're looking to find me......I'll be in the basement, watching Beast of the Yellow Night, playing games on my Commodore 64 and chowing down on store brand cheese balls and grape soda!  There's plenty of room down here with me, so come on down and tell your friends!

Monster Brawl - 2012

 MONSTER BRAWL!  OOOOOHHHHH YEAH!  

Okay now I've got that out of my system.  When I first heard about this film, I'll be honest I wasn't too sure what to think.  While the kid in me wanted to shriek with joy at the thought of monsters in a Battle Royale for supremacy,  I was afraid it would end up more like Mega Python vs Gatoroid.  Not that I really have anything against MPvsG....it was....er....amusing.

I'm happy to report that Monster Brawl does it right.  It's like someone took any number of monster mash-up films and combined it with late 80's WrestleMania!  Oh hells yeah!  The film plays out exactly like a pay per view wrestling event, with Dave Foley (of Kids in the Hall fame) and Art Hindle (Ted in Porky's and Porky's II!!!) as announcers Buzz Chambers and Sasquatch Sid Tucker.   Oh yeah and Lance Henriksen even came on board to narrate the beginning of the film!  Jimmy Hart and Herb Dean even make appearances!

The event takes place in an ancient cursed graveyard and is set up in five rounds and two different factions, which are also divided into lightweight and heavyweight.  The contestants are Creatures:  Cyclops, Witch Bitch, Werewolf, and Swamp Gut.  Undead: Frankenstein's Monster, The Mummy, Zombie Man, and Lady Vampire.  It really is a lot of fun to watch the backstory on each monster and then watch them trash talk their competition before the fight.  My thirteen year old self was loving every second of it!

If you love the old Universal monster mashes and old school Wrestlemania, then you owe it to yourself to check out Monster Brawl!  I'm not going to tell you who wins which match and who the ultimate victor is because that's half the fun of the movie!  Cheer for your favorites!  It could happen!

So pour yourself a nice tall glass of grape Kool-Aid and heat up some pizza rolls cause it's gonna be an action packed night of Monster Brawlin'!  

Tales From The Darkside - Hush

I miss the Friday nights of my youth.  Things were so much simpler then.  At 1:50, the school bell rang and I knew that the weekend was once again upon us.  My older sister and I would get home from school just as my Dad was getting ready to go to work.  We would watch our younger sister (Hi Katie!)  until my mother would get home about 4:30.  After Mom got home, she'd make us dinner and then Friday night was Mom's designated grocery shopping night.  Ah, Friday night grocery shopping.....that was a magical experience unto itself, but perhaps a story best left for another time.

The groceries would be put away by 7:30....then it was time to get into our PJ's and get ready for some TGIF action on ABC!  Man....I could go on and on about TGIF on ABC too...Family Matters, Full House, Step by Step, Just the Ten of Us, Dinosaurs (NOT THE MAMA!)), Perfect Strangers.....so many incredibly awesome sitcoms on Friday nights.  Mom would usually pick up a frozen pizza or (YUM) pizza rolls to snack on.  Oh....those delicious little nuggets of pizza goodness.  When I die, I want to be buried with a casket full of pizza rolls.  Or maybe in a casket made out of a giant pizza roll....yes, I love them THAT much!

After a good solid 2 hours of  sitcom comedy gold (at least as far as my 13 year old self was concerned), my Mom would head to bed at 10.  My younger sister would already be asleep and my older sister would sometimes be downstairs with me.....sometimes in her room doing whatever it is that 16 year old girls do in their rooms.  I dunno.  My Dad worked 2nd shift and didn't get home until 11:30. Anyway, at 10pm, on good ol' Channel 50 WNDS (The Winds of New England.....New Hampshire station that used to show awesome stuff) would show re-runs of Monsters and Tales From The Darkside at 10 and 10:30 respectively.  Also WNDS was home to Al Kaprielian....also known as Weird Al Kaprielian.....the awesome meteorologist who would start each weather segment saying "Good eeeeevnening everyone!"  This guy is so awesome his loyal fanbase is known as the Kult of Kaprielian!  Yeah, he's THAT awesome.

I was alone downstairs on this particular occasion.  There were still some cold pizza rolls left over from earlier in the evening, so I loaded up the rest of them, poured myself a big ol' glass of coke  and hunkered down for a little double dose of horror!  To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure what episode of Monsters was on before hand....but part of my wants to say that it was Pillow Talk.....which is about a guy who has a pet bed monster thing that likes to eat half naked women that the guy takes home for a one night snack...er...stand.  That was a cool episode......Here check it out for yourself:

See?  That was pretty awesome.  You can totally see the "twist" ending coming, but it's still pretty damn cool.  Monstsers was a perfect pairing with Tales From The Darkside.  You were guaranteed a Monster in each episde (though there were a few where the definitinon of "Monster" was stretched quite thin!) while TFTD could cover everything from monsters, to ghosts, voodoo and everything in between.

The Intro do Tales From The Darkside was simply the stuff of nightmares.  An insanely creepy piano riff played while the narrator informed us that there is a darkside that exists unknown to most....lurking just below the sunlight world of what we believe to be reality.  It completely set the tone for the show....even when it was a less than impressive episode, it always somehow seemed that much creepier....just because it was prefaced with that intro.  Seriously.  Watch THIS:

Spooky stuff, right?  I told ya!   That is pure terror to a kid, trust me.  What came next however kept me huddled to my spot on the couch.  The episode was of course, Hush.  A girl named Jennifer goes to babysit a young boy named Buddy.  Buddy is a bit of an inventor and shows Jennifer all of his little electronic Frankenstein creations, including a device he calls a noise eater....which basically looks like a vacuum cleaner with some extra doodads attached to it.  Well, wouldn't ya know it, the damn thing malfunctions and takes on a life of it's own., sucking the sound out everything.  Unfortunately if it is a living creature that is making the sound, it will aslo suck the life right out of it. 

What ensues next is a cat and mouse game with Jennifer and Buddy trying to hide from this monstrosity as it systematically hunts for any sounds to consume.  Oh yeah, Buddy's got some allergies too.....which make for some rather tense moments as they hide from the Noise Eater.  The acting is pretty good in the episode....thought the noise eater is a bit wonky looking.  Re-watching this episode years later, it still holds a creepy vibe, I think....though it is no where near as terrifying as I found it that Friday night so long ago.

Why don't ya go ahead and watch it and tell me what you think!

I was going to talk a bit about USA Up All Night, but that is best left for another time.
I hope that you enjoyed the episode, as well as the extra bonus episode of Monsters.  I also hope that you enjoyed the little stroll down memory lane with me...until next time.....try to stay in the light!