Video Demons Do Psychotown - Psychic Slashers Stalk Students

Video Demons Do Psychotown
1989
Directed by Alessandro De Gaetano 
Written by Alessandro De Gaetano

Starring Ron Arragon, Donna Baltron, Dave Elliott

Rated R - Approx 87 Min
Troma Entertainment

Taglines:
 - You wouldn't want to live there, but it's a nice place to die!
 - WARNING:  The Psychotown Surgeon General Has Determined That Television Viewing Is Hazardous To Your Heath!!!

Alternate Titles:
Bloodbath in Psycho Town - Original Title 

"I've taken nine hours of Abnormal Psych.....I've read it all!"
                                                                                               - Eric


This took me by surprise a bit.  While I was expecting the usual kind of late 80's/early 90's fare that Troma distributed back in the day, what I got was something quite different and definitely not for everyone. Video Demons Do Psychotown is perhaps a more fitting moniker than the original Bloodbath title because there really isn't too much going on in the way of bloodshed.  Sure there's a few murders but I would hardly call it a bloodbath.

Eric and Karen are fighting before the title screen even hits!  

Wow.  That's a very artsy craftsy town sign you guys got there....

Eric, a film student, and his girlfriend Karen head to Casa Della, which is small town that is filled with witches and psychics.  Eric's father bought an old house and is renovating it to turn it into a hotel for psychics.  Eric decides that this strange town will be a good subject for his final film project for school and heads out to make a documentary about the town.

Right off the bat they get a chilly reception from the locals.  Karen is getting bad vibes and having premonitions (she apparently has The Gift as well) which Eric discounts because he doesn't believe in such stuff.  Karen's visions and feelings grown stronger after arriving at the hotel and discovering that there was a deadly accident a week before they arrived.  She starts to see walls covered in blood and a man being stabbed in the gut.

Anyone with hair that poofy has GOT to be evil

It would seem that the locals can sense Karen's abilities and they want her gone before they expose their secret.  What secret is that?  Well to be honest it's never really fully revealed, but if you've been paying attention thus far then you can pretty well figure out that they murdered fellow by the name of Packard who pretty much owned the town and was a world class douche nugget.

What we are left with is essentially a murder mystery, combined with a haunted house story, combined with a tale of psychics and witches, combined with a slasher film, topped off with some possession undertones and a general sense of strangeness.  The film is extremely slow paced, but there is also something mesmerizing about it.  Perhaps it's the bad acting.  Perhaps it's the wonky dialog.  Maybe it's the melted crayon blood that they use.

YAY!  Melted Crayon Blood is the best!

"Hey, you okay?"

Let's talk about the acting and dialog for a moment, shall we?  Eric and Karen are seemingly perpetually at each other's throats.  Either they are sneering at each other or making a snide remark to one another.  If they're not doing either one of those things, then Eric is once again telling Karen how he doesn't believe in psychic powers after she tells him that she's had another vision or premonition.  This will lead to another fight which will then lead to a really awkward sex scene.  Though one of my favorite moments is when Eric is trying to explain away all of Karen's psychic feelings and visions by saying "Maybe you're allergic to electricity!"  From that moment on, I completely fell in love with this film.

Midnight Cinephile Tally

Death Toll - Four, if you wanna count the flashback murder of Mr. Packard.  We get a couple of stabbings, one head impalement and one death by tree!

Nude O Meter - We get to see Karen's boobs and her butt a few times.  You ladies can look forward to Eric's butt and a shot that reveals that he keeps up on his.....er.....manscaping.

Things That Go Bump In The Night - While there are no supernatural monsters per se....we do get some rather foul tempered psychics (they might be witches) and we get the disembodied voice of Mr. Packard as he tries to communicate with Karen.

Nothing to see here.....

Final Thoughts
This film was all over the place.  Ghosts coming back from beyond the grave, evil psychics trying to keep a lid on the illicit goings on of their small town and a slasher in a yellow rain coat.  The film even tries to delve into the mysteries of the human mind and whether or not it is possible to communicate with machines!  Some of that was actually fairly effective.  Every time Karen has a psychic flash when she's filming with the camera, it causes an anomaly when played back.  This anomaly is a psychic imprint of sorts and another attempt at communication from Mr. Packard's ghost.  There are some decently effective scenes of the students sitting in front of TV monitors watching the tapes trying to unravel the mystery.

Cause that's not creepy having a video face stare at you while you sleep....

As I said in the beginning....I was very surprised by this film by the end of it.  What started out as slow and plodding eventually morphed into strange and surreal.  This is absolutely a film that will make it's way into my repeat viewing rotation.  You can rent the disc from Netflix or you can watch the entire film on You Tube!  If you are willing to put some time and work into the film, then you will be rewarded.  Just don't go into it expecting a non stop thrill ride!


Final Rating
Three out of Five Pizza Rolls

A Touch Of Crimson On A Few Acres Of Snow Trailer & Poster

As you no doubt have noticed I haven't been very active over the last month and there's good reason for that.  I've been busy putting my first short film into production!

A Touch Of Crimson On A Few Acres of Snow is my first foray into the filmmaking world (unless you want to count the sixth grade masterpiece of sci-fi horror, Attack of the Mutant Killer Squirrels From Outer Space).

So without further adieu, I give to you the very first poster and trailer for
A Touch Of Crimson On A Few Acres Of Snow!

The Black Spot - Byway to the Danger Zone!

You may recall back in 2012, I reviewed a short film by UK filmmaker Luther Bhogal-Jones.  A short fear flick that had me thinking twice about checking out that strange noise I heard downstairs.  Now Luther is back with a new tale of terror, this time ensuring that I'll never stop for another stranded motorist or car broken down again!  Damn!

Comin' at ya in Psychotronic 3D!!!!!!!!

The Black Spot is a six minute micro-budget shocker that was shot on a £28 3D camera not much bigger than your standard Blackberry.  Without even getting into plot, I can already tell you that this is AWESOME!  Not only do you get the 2D version...but you also get a choice between the good ol' fashioned Red/Cyan anaglyph 3D (which of course requires a pair of hokey Red/Cyan cardboard 3D glasses to enjoy!) and also a more modern stereoscopic 3D for viewing on modern 3D televisions!  I've watched it all three ways and I personally love the good ol' fashioned Red/Cyan.  I'm a sucker for nostalgia.  So sue me.  The stereoscopic 3D is also very nice and actually produces a much crisper 3D image.....like I said, it was purely nostalgia that won me over with the anaglyph 3D.  Of course if all else fails, there's nothing wrong with good ol' 2D, though Bhogal-Jones specifically made this film to be seen in 3D...so you should at least attempt to view it that way.

Okay, so what's the film about?

A guy named Paul is stranded on a lonesome road out in the countryside.  Having no other options but to walk for help, Paul wanders his way down the road....passing an usual amount of missing person posters as well as floral arrangements commemorating someone's roadside death.  He eventually comes across what appears to be another car broken down on the side of the road.  What happens from there is what will keep me from stopping to help another stranded motorist ever again!  To say any more would be to give away the twist and of course you know that's not how I roll.

That is NOT a safe way to shave......

What I will say is that this is a worthy follow up to Creak.  It is quite opposite Creak in a good many ways.  Where as Creak took place at night, The Black Spot's horrors unfold during the day....granted it's a dreary, rainy day.  Creak involved a supernatural danger.  The Black Spot's antagonists are quite human.  I think.  Hey, I could be wrong!  Creak was very subtle and it built it's scares on tension and fear of the dark.  The Black Spot is in your face 3D, baby!  Get some!

Once again, Bhogal-Jones has proven himself a capable director.  He uses the film's 6 minute run time very well.  At such a length, there is no time for lengthy exposition....or much exposition at all.  It allows the viewer to fill in the blanks themselves.

Judging by the look on Paul's face this car is more trouble than it's worth

The soundtrack is quite effective in this film.  Written and orchestrated by  Mikolaj Holowko, the industrial soundtrack is a long way from it's original conception, which was a horror themed take on Art of Noise's "(Close) To The Edit"!  Coincidentally after learning this, I decided to watch the film silently, replacing the soundtrack with said pop song on loop.  Let's just say that it's a totally different experience.  Not quite on the level with The Wizard of Oz and Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon....but still.....a fun little experiment!

The Black Spot is the second feature to fall under the Sincerely, Psycopath banner, which is reserved for horror fare from Faster Productions.  Next up is the short "Knock, Knock" which is currently in production (and I'm sure we'll get a chance to view here at Midnight Cinephile upon it's release!)

Luther Bhogal-Jones sets up a shot.

If you would like to watch The Black Spot, you can check it out here:

                                                  www.vimeo.com/fasterproductions

Final Thought:
The Black Spot is s tight little thriller that invokes a trashy grindhouse vibe in the best way, especially when viewed in Red./Cyan anaglyph 3D!  I can't wait to see what Luther comes up with next!

Horror Packs 2 - Support Charity While Getting Your Horror Groove On!

My good friend Brandon over at Movies At The Dog Farm alerted me to this great new package.

Horror Packs 2 is a horror bundle that is available in two different tiers.  You decide what you want to pay.  Some of the money goes to the filmmakers and the rest goes to charity.....not unlike that Humble Bundle packs that are available to gamers.

Horror Pack 2 - Tier 1 - Pay  a minimum of $2

You receive two films and two music albums:

The films you receive in Tier 1 are:
(synopsis and descriptions direct from the website)

Blood Brothers (Short Film) - Michael and Lindsay have the perfect marriage, the perfect house, and the perfect life together. Little do they know everything is about to change. After coming home from celebrating their fifth wedding anniversary, the couple receive surprise visitors that will change both of their lives forever. Family ties run deep but, in Michael’s case, they run blood deep. Blood will be shed and secrets will be revealed that will keep you guessing until the final shocking moment.

The Bloody Pit of Horror:  When a photographer and a group of models choose what appears to be an abandoned castle for their next shoot, they stumble into the realm of a maniac intent on executing anyone that comes near the castle. Plenty of creative torture devices and general absurdity in this one!

The albums you recieve in Tier 1 are:

Ghoulshow - Tales from the Netherworld:  From Graveyard Calling Records comes Ghoulshow’s blood-drenched electronic album that combines the sounds of classic horror soundtracks with drum & bass and dubstep for a modernized touch.

“a beautiful love song to 50s B-movies via hard electronic dance beats! Ghoulshow has crafted his art and created an album that transports listeners to the worlds he creates digitally offering a highly visual sonic experience and comes highly recommended.”
- Mark Pidgeon, UK Horror Scene

The Panic Beats - Without Warning:  The third release from one man horror punk band The Panic Beats continues the trend of catchy pop-punk infused with a stark contrast of dark lyrics. Without Warning also has one of the coolest covers we’ve ever seen, with artwork by Rick Melton, who’s known for his Arrow Video cover artwork.

“The fact that the Panic Beats manage to make these songs so goddamn tuneful and memorable only makes them that much creepier. It’s disturbing to sing along to any album with a cover this depraved. That being said, you should totally get it.”
- Rock Star Journalist


Tier 2 is available starting at a minimum of $6

Tier 2 includes everything in Tier 1 PLUS:


Film:
Colony:
from Apprehensive Films

When Jim Mathews, a sales rep for a genetic design firm, gets caught cheating on his wife she doses him with an experimental serum, causing his limbs to fall off and turn into a pack of bloodthirsty monsters. Thus forming a “Colony.” To satisfy his unnatural hunger, Jim preys on hot young women.

“Colony” was originally released in 1998 under the title “Colony Mutation” by E.I. (now Pop Cinema) on VHS. Shock Cinema Magazine called it “genuinely creepy” and it had a multi-page spread in Fangoria issue #161. The movie was shot on Super-8mm film, making for a truly gritty and unnerving viewing experience.

Album:
Tommy Creep - Vacant Tombs and Full Moons:  Tommy Creep’s style, aptly labeled horrorstep, is demonstrated perfectly in this hard-hitting album from Graveyard Calling Records. There’s more than enough quotes and references contained in this album to keep even the most dedicated horror fan guessing at times.

“…like a Prodigy album with John Carpenter as the front man.”
- Mark Pidgeon, UK Horror Scene

PC Game:
Enola:  Enola is a horror/adventure game about love, hate, and death. You play as a young girl on a mysterious place, looking for her missing girlfriend. However, as you explore this world, you find there is something dark and evil lurking in the shadows. You’ll have to be quick and cunning to survive. Do you have what it takes to save your loved one before it’s too late?

If you need even FURTHER incentive there are also another two mystery titles that will be unlocked later on when more of the packs have been sold.  All purchases support Child's Play Charity as well as The Electronic Frontier Foundation.

GET YOUR HORROR ON HERE!
http://horrorpacks.com/

Microwave Massacre - Gourmet Murder in Minutes!

Microwave Massacre
1983
Directed by Wayne Berwick
Written by: Thomas Singer (screenplay) Craig Muckler (story)
Starring: Jackie Vernon, Loren Schein & Al Troupe

Unrated - Runtime Approx 76 Min.



Taglines:
None

Alternate Titles:
La masacre del microondas (The Slaughter of the Microwave)  Spain
Γεύματα φρίκης (Meals Horror)  Greece

Mikrofalowe morderstwo  (Microwave Murder)  Poland




"M-M-M-May?  In the microwave?"
                                                      -Donald

One of the classics of the VHS era, I don't think that there was a Mom & Pop video store around that didn't have this one in their horror section.  I can only imagine how many horror freaks like me saw this awesome Thriller Video box and imagined a visceral and gory romp.

Technically May gave Donald crabs...heh heh....
Yeah, yeah, I'm immature.

May serves up some ungodly gourmet creation

What we get instead is basically a screwball comedy with some gore effects.  The film follows a construction worked named Donald (played by none other than Jackie Vernon who was the voice of Frosty the Snowman!) whose wife, May, has decided that she will only cook gourmet meals with her brand new top of the line microwave.  Poor Donald just wants something plain and easy to eat.

After their fight, May goes to pieces.
Literally. 

I wonder if he wants to hold the MAY-o
Jesus the jokes are bad this time around, aren't they?

A guy can only take so much and after coming home drunk one night and finding that May has yet again cooked an inedible conglomeration of so called gourmet ingredients.  After a fight and demanding a bologna sandwich, Donald kills May in a drunken rage.  When he wakes up in the morning he has no recollection of what he's done.  He's not all that distraught when he discovers that he's shoved his dead wife in her beloved microwave.  Trying to hide the evidence, Donald cuts her up and hides her remains in the freezer.

One night he accidentally eats a bit of her arm and finds her quite tasty.  He lets his work buddies try some of the May Meat and they love it, though they do say it tastes a bit "old".  Thus begins Donald's killing spree....finding young nubile women, bringing them home, banging them and then turning them into meat dishes!silly

Frosty...er...Donald puts the moves on his first meal....er...victim.

BOOBS!

It is a little weird listening to Frosty the Snowman as he talks to his therapist, telling him how he can't get off unless he eats the woman afterwards.  Literally, eats her.  Other funny moments include Donald having dreams of making sandwiches out of naked women lying on his kitchen table, complete with giant slices of bread and giant knife with mayonnaise!

Dinner's Ready!

Midnight Cinephile Tally

Death Toll:  In total we've got five deaths here!  Not bad....not good, but not bad.

Nude O Meter:  We've got a good three pair of boobs to oogle here!

Things That Go Bump In The Night:  Donald the Cannibalistic Microwave Murderer!

Final Thoughts
To be perfectly honest, while it was good for a laugh I can't see myself going back to revisit this movie often.  It's got everything that I should love in a trash flick, boobs, body parts and a ridiculous premise (not to mention the voice of Frosty as a serial killer!), yet I found myself not having that much fun with it.  Definitely an all to typical case of the amazing box art outshining the movie, but hey, I'm still glad I saw it!

Final Rating
Two out of Five Pizza Rolls

Woodchipper Massacre - Home Alone Hack 'Em Up

Woodchipper Massacre
1988
Directed by Jon McBride
Written by Jon McBride (idea by Glen Skaggs)
Starring Jon McBride, Denice Edeale & Tom Casiello

Not Rated - Runtime Approx 80 Min


Tagline:
- How much flesh could a woodchipper chip, if a woodchipper could chip flesh?


Alternate Titles:
None






"Aunt Tess was right...once you start working with meat, it's not that bad!"
                                                                                                                      - Denice

There is nothing that I don't love about this!

Woodchipper Massacre is a fun little SOV horror flick that's played more for laughs than anything.  It starts with a little text scroll telling us about the amount of unsolved murders and disappearances in the U.S. and then kindly informs us that this is such a story.

Tom and Denice in all their 80's glory.  Rock that sweater Denice!

I really had a good time with this one.  It's got all the hallmarks of a great SOV horror flick.  The acting is absolutely horrendous;  the special effects are pretty wonky, yet still fun (though they are quite minimal for a film with MASSACRE in the title!); and there is a lot of regional charm shining through.

Dad shares some expository dialog with Jon

He must be going to an Ugly Sweater Party....

Jon (played by McBride) and his two younger siblings Denice and Tom are left in the care of their militant Aunt Tess for the weekend because their father is going on a business trip.  Right off the bat things are bad when Aunt Tess arrives.  She's a self righteous old pip who you would expect to see yelling at kids to get off of her lawn.  She completely takes over the house and regardless of whatever rules their father had in place, Aunt Tess had her own set of rules that will be obeyed at all times.....or else!

Ngyaaah!  RUN!  It's Aunt Tess!!!!!!!!!

Things continue on with Aunt Tess insulting and berating the kids, calling them stupid, ignorant, slobs and any number of other things.  Jon isn't allowed to go on a date with his girlfriend.  The kids aren't allowed to watch a horror movie on TV, forced to clean and do ridiculous chores, etc.  When Tom finally receives his official Rambo Survival Knife that he's been waiting to get for six weeks, Aunt Tess tries to take it away from him.  He defies her and in the struggle, Aunt Tess gets the business end of the knife and dies.

Looks like all work and no play is what Aunt Tess has in store for Jon.

Aunt Tess wags a knife at Denice as she shows her how to prepare meat.  Ironic, isn't it?

Aunt Tess show have just let Tom keep his knife.

Rather than telling anyone what happened, the kids decide to dispose of Aunt Tess in the woodchipper and tell their Dad that she left early before he came home.  This is where things start getting fun.  They decide that it might not work just throwing her in whole.  After all, she's all soft and the woodchipper is designed to chip up hard material like wood.  So what do they do?  Hack her up and put her in the freezer for a few hours, that's what!  With Aunt Tess freshly frozen solid, the three then proceed to toss her body parts in the chipper one by one.

"Oh no!  Aunt Tess is dead!  What do we do?"
 "To the woodchipper!"

"First we'll have to do some trimming...."

The last of Aunt Tess gets dropped in the chipper.....

Thinking that they've cleaned up their mess the kids go about their weekend.  Things are going fine until Aunt Tess' delinquent, druggy son shows up demanding money.  Well, clearly he can't stay around, so it's back to the woodchipper for another round of chew 'em up.

The fact that the whole thing is presented more as a straight out comedy is what makes the whole thing work.  The only thing missing is a canned sitcom laugh track.  Though the subject matter would be extremely dark in someone else's hands, Jon McBride infuses a real sense of fun into the film.  Watching the kids try to clean everything up and "beat the clock" before their father comes home brings to mind any number of teen comedies from the 80's.

Cousin Kim stops by for an unscheduled visit

I guess we'll see on the chipper handles soft flesh now!

Pretty darn well, apparently!

Woodchipper Massacre was shot on a SUPER VHS camcorder on a budget of $400 in Connecticut, with most of that budget going into the woodchipper rental.  The fact that a film literally shot in Jon's backyard with a consumer grade camcorder and some local theater folks found worldwide distribution is pretty amazing.  Films like this paved the way for others in the SOV field and to this day many a backyard filmmaker owes a debt to Jon McBride.

Midnight Cinephile Tally

Death Toll:  Two!  Not exactly a massacre.....but hey who am I to nitpick?

Nude O Meter:  Not even the slightest bit of skin.

Things That Go Bump In The Night:  I think Aunt Tess would fall into this category.  Good God that woman was a miserable clam!

Final Thoughts
As I said before, I had a lot of fun with this film.  Sure there's only two deaths and the story may run a bit slow at time, but you'll be see busy laughing at the scene chewing that is running rampant you won't notice.  Oh, I almost forget to mention, Aunt Tess is played by non other than Jon McBride's Mom!  How awesome is that?  If you've yet to see this one, do so immediately!

Final Rating
Four out of Five Pizza Rolls

Preylien: Alien Predators - The Polonia Alien Factor

Preylien: Alien Predators
2004
Directed by Mark Polonia
Written by Alan Wyoming
Starring Tom Carpenter, Alan Caum & Kimberlee A. Gibson

Unrated - Runtime Approx 75 Min.

Taglines:
None

Alternate Titles:
Nope



"I just shot a one eyed dinosaur...."
                                                       -  Kim

 I've got to admit that I'm a fan of the Polonia Bros.  I admire their gusto and  DIY stick-to-itness.  Plus their films are just plain old B-Movie SOV fun!  I've been sitting on this 4-Pack DVD of Polonia Bros. films for a while now and it's finally time to crack it open and see what's what!

Preylien (which by the way is a pretty cool title!) starts off with a chase sequence on another planet.  Apparently everything is sepia tone on this planet, which was kinda odd.  Perhaps it's an atmosphere thing.  You know like Mars, with it's red dirt and sky.....anyway....an alien wearing a dirt bike helmet and brandishing a laser gun is hunting a demon headed Sasquatch thing wearing a vest.  The hunter finally catches the Squatch-Thing and takes it prisoner aboard his ship.  Apparently this dude runs and intergalactic zoo and is collecting various species to show off.

The Hunter on Planet Sepia!

This is the....erm....spaceship.

Something vaguely goes wrong en route to the zoo and The Hunter (as he shall be known forthwith) ends up crash landing on Earth.  When he crashes, all the creatures in his cargo hold are let loose on Earth, including Squatch-Thing (also known forthwith) and The Hunter is knocked out.  The other creatures that are released as well are pretty fun designs.  There's an hairy alien rat/crab thing (which apparently was made by gluing a head and some hair onto a monster glove or something!) that spins a spider like web.  There's a one eyed T-Rex looking thing (pretty nice hand puppet work!) and my personal favorite, a giant floating eyeball with tentacles.  There is also a little worm like parasite that the Squatch-Thing implants in people, which bursts out of them later....Alien style.

Squatch-Thing!

RatCrab!

The Giant One Eye'd T-Rex shows his might!

"I've only got eyes for youuuuuuuuuuuu!"

This is the weird little parasite creature that Sqautch-Thing lays in ya via a tongue tube.  Gross!

The rest of the plot revolves around two friends who are lost out in the woods while trying (I think) to get up to the top of a mountain to go snowmobiling.  Their friend is already up on the mountain on his snowmobile waiting for these two.  Why they got out of the car and started walking, I have no idea.  They come across a young woman who was getting ready to blow her head off with a shotgun after loosing her husband to cancer.  Instead of killing herself, she blows away the one eyed Tyrannosaurus  and decides to live and help these two bumbling bozos.

These two knuckleheads wander around the woods....alot.

Knuckleheads meet Suicidal Chick with a Shotgun.

As it turns out, the hunter isn't very friendly towards humans either and tries to kidnap them and turn them into zoo attractions.  Lucky for them, Squatch Thing is nearby and makes short work of him.  The race is on to find a way to destroy Sqautch-Thing and rid the planet of the alien menace.

The acting in the film is uneven, some characters act as if they're in a stage play, which others are passable in their roles.  Let's be honest though, we're not watching films like this for people's acting chops.  We're watching because we wanna see goofy alien carnage!  In that respect, Preylien delivers!  I will say that while watching, I kept getting the feeling that I'd seen the film before....then it hit me:  This is essential an even more lower budget riff on the already low budget Don Dohler flick The Alien Factor!

The Hunter gets caught in RatCrab's web!

Squatch-Thing rips a dude's arm off.

I've heard of french kissing, but that is ridiculous!

If you are a fan of DIY and SOV filmmaking then there is some groovy stuff in Preylien.  Sure, it's got more holes in the plot than Bonnie & Clyde's Ford Model 730 Deluxe Sedan, but there's also a lot of inventiveness and heart.  If you can get past the occasional appearance of the cameraman's finger in the corner of the lens, or the almost constant appearance of a mirrored lens on the left side of the screen (broken lens?  I'm not sure) then you'll have a good time with this.

Midnight Cinephile Tally

Death Toll:  5, I think.  My disc stops working before the end of the film, but I can't imagine that there's much more that I'm missing.....but I can't be sure.

Nude O Meter:  Sorry bud, you're gonna have to find your T&A elsewhere!

Things That Go Bump In The Night:  We've got a few nasty beasties on display here!  Squatch-Thing, RatCrab Monster, One Eye'd T-Rex and of the floating eye monster!  Even though The Hunter is nothing more than a dude wearing a helmet, he's supposed to be an alien so we can count him.

Final Thoughts
As I mentioned above, my disc cuts out right after the climax of the film so I'm not sure what happens afterwards...there appears to be about 10 more minutes of run time.  Still, I had fun with this one.  If you've seen any of the Polonia Bros. other films then you know exactly what you're in for here.  Had there not been the constant annoying "mirror" on the left side of the screen through 90% of the film then I may have given the film a higher rating....but that coupled with the aforementioned camera man's fingers in the screen...I've gotta knock it down a point for really sloppy technical work.  

Final Rating
Two out of Three Pizza Rolls