2004
Directed by Mark Polonia
Written by Alan Wyoming
Starring Tom Carpenter, Alan Caum & Kimberlee A. Gibson
Unrated - Runtime Approx 75 Min.
Taglines:
None
Alternate Titles:
Nope
"I just shot a one eyed dinosaur...."
- Kim
Preylien (which by the way is a pretty cool title!) starts off with a chase sequence on another planet. Apparently everything is sepia tone on this planet, which was kinda odd. Perhaps it's an atmosphere thing. You know like Mars, with it's red dirt and sky.....anyway....an alien wearing a dirt bike helmet and brandishing a laser gun is hunting a demon headed Sasquatch thing wearing a vest. The hunter finally catches the Squatch-Thing and takes it prisoner aboard his ship. Apparently this dude runs and intergalactic zoo and is collecting various species to show off.
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| The Hunter on Planet Sepia! |
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| This is the....erm....spaceship. |
Something vaguely goes wrong en route to the zoo and The Hunter (as he shall be known forthwith) ends up crash landing on Earth. When he crashes, all the creatures in his cargo hold are let loose on Earth, including Squatch-Thing (also known forthwith) and The Hunter is knocked out. The other creatures that are released as well are pretty fun designs. There's an hairy alien rat/crab thing (which apparently was made by gluing a head and some hair onto a monster glove or something!) that spins a spider like web. There's a one eyed T-Rex looking thing (pretty nice hand puppet work!) and my personal favorite, a giant floating eyeball with tentacles. There is also a little worm like parasite that the Squatch-Thing implants in people, which bursts out of them later....Alien style.
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| Squatch-Thing! |
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| RatCrab! |
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| The Giant One Eye'd T-Rex shows his might! |
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| "I've only got eyes for youuuuuuuuuuuu!" |
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| This is the weird little parasite creature that Sqautch-Thing lays in ya via a tongue tube. Gross! |
The rest of the plot revolves around two friends who are lost out in the woods while trying (I think) to get up to the top of a mountain to go snowmobiling. Their friend is already up on the mountain on his snowmobile waiting for these two. Why they got out of the car and started walking, I have no idea. They come across a young woman who was getting ready to blow her head off with a shotgun after loosing her husband to cancer. Instead of killing herself, she blows away the one eyed Tyrannosaurus and decides to live and help these two bumbling bozos.
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| These two knuckleheads wander around the woods....alot. |
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| Knuckleheads meet Suicidal Chick with a Shotgun. |
As it turns out, the hunter isn't very friendly towards humans either and tries to kidnap them and turn them into zoo attractions. Lucky for them, Squatch Thing is nearby and makes short work of him. The race is on to find a way to destroy Sqautch-Thing and rid the planet of the alien menace.
The acting in the film is uneven, some characters act as if they're in a stage play, which others are passable in their roles. Let's be honest though, we're not watching films like this for people's acting chops. We're watching because we wanna see goofy alien carnage! In that respect, Preylien delivers! I will say that while watching, I kept getting the feeling that I'd seen the film before....then it hit me: This is essential an even more lower budget riff on the already low budget Don Dohler flick The Alien Factor!
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| The Hunter gets caught in RatCrab's web! |
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| Squatch-Thing rips a dude's arm off. |
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| I've heard of french kissing, but that is ridiculous! |
If you are a fan of DIY and SOV filmmaking then there is some groovy stuff in Preylien. Sure, it's got more holes in the plot than Bonnie & Clyde's Ford Model 730 Deluxe Sedan, but there's also a lot of inventiveness and heart. If you can get past the occasional appearance of the cameraman's finger in the corner of the lens, or the almost constant appearance of a mirrored lens on the left side of the screen (broken lens? I'm not sure) then you'll have a good time with this.
Midnight Cinephile Tally
Death Toll: 5, I think. My disc stops working before the end of the film, but I can't imagine that there's much more that I'm missing.....but I can't be sure.
Nude O Meter: Sorry bud, you're gonna have to find your T&A elsewhere!
Things That Go Bump In The Night: We've got a few nasty beasties on display here! Squatch-Thing, RatCrab Monster, One Eye'd T-Rex and of the floating eye monster! Even though The Hunter is nothing more than a dude wearing a helmet, he's supposed to be an alien so we can count him.
Final Thoughts
As I mentioned above, my disc cuts out right after the climax of the film so I'm not sure what happens afterwards...there appears to be about 10 more minutes of run time. Still, I had fun with this one. If you've seen any of the Polonia Bros. other films then you know exactly what you're in for here. Had there not been the constant annoying "mirror" on the left side of the screen through 90% of the film then I may have given the film a higher rating....but that coupled with the aforementioned camera man's fingers in the screen...I've gotta knock it down a point for really sloppy technical work.
Final Rating
Two out of Three Pizza Rolls
I've not seen this (or anything by the Polonia brothers), but I love Dohler's The Alien Factor. I'm guessing you've probably seen Blood, Boobs & Beast. It's a documentary about Dohler, and it's pretty fascinating.
ReplyDeleteAdded note: apparently, that doc is OOP and rather expensive now. Amazon has it available for streaming for three bucks.
DeleteI actually haven't seen that doc yet! I'll have to stream it on Amazon ASAP! I did hear about it and I kept meaning to see it.....just never got around to it. If you like SOV stuff, then give some Polonia Bros. movies a try. Feeders is another good one. I love The Alien Factor too....such a cool film.
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