Angel Heart - Supernatural Film Noir

Angel Heart
1987
Directed by Alan Parker
Written by Alan Parker (novel by William Hjortsberg)
Starring Mickey Rourke, Robert De Niro, Lisa Bonet

Rated R (cut)  Rated X (uncut)   -  Approx 113 Minutes


Tag Lines:
 - It will scare you to your very soul.
 - Harry Angel is searching for the truth... Pray he doesn't find it.
 - Harry Angel has been hired to search for the truth... Pray he doesn't find it.
 - Nothing can prepare you for the ending of Angel Heart.





Alternate Titles:
Coração Satânico  (Angel Heart) -  Brazil
Aux portes de l'enfer (At The Gates of Hell)  -  Canada
Djævelen i hjertet  (Devil in the Heart)  -  Denmark
El corazón del ángel  (Angel Heart)  -  Spain
Det förhäxade hjärtat  (The Enchanted Heart) - Finland
Noiduttu sydän  (Charm Heart)  - Finland
Δαιμονισμενος αγγελος  (Possessed Angel)  - Greece
Angyalszív  (Angel Heart)  - Hungary
Angel Heart - Ascensore per l'inferno  (Angel Heart - Elevator to Hell)  - Italy
Corazón de ángel  (Angel Heart) - Mexico
Corazón diabólico  (Devilish Heart) - Mexico
Harry Angel  - Poland
Angel Heart - Nas Portas do Inferno  (Angel Heart - In The Gates of Hell)  - Portugal
Anđeosko srce  (Angel Heart)  - Serbia
Seytan çikmazi  (Satan Dilemma)  - Turkey

"No matter how cleverly you sneak up on a mirror, your reflection always looks you straight in the eye."
                    -  Louis Cypher

Angel Heart is a perfect example of film noir fused with supernatural overtones.  For those who are not familiar with the story, Harry Angel is a private detective who is hired by the mysterious Mr. Cypher to locate an old crooner named Johnny Favourite.  It seems that Johnny has some unfinished business with Mr. Cypher and has disappeared.  Angel is on the case and things just keep going from strange to worse as a trail of corpses pile up around him as he delves deeper into the mystery....leaving himself as a prime suspect.

"It's Wednesday.....that means it's anything can happen day!"

Interestingly this film was originally awarded an X rating for it's scenes of graphic gore and sex.  Lisa Bonet (Denise Huxtable!!!!!!) bares her breasts fairly often and has a rather steamy sex scene with Micky Rourke. Remember when Mickey Rourke was a fairly decent looking dude.....and not.....weird?  Anyway....what was I talking about?  Oh yes, Lisa Bonet's breasts.  They're lovely.  Anyway, I've only seen the R rated cut, but I'm going to try and track down the X (or unrated...if that even exists) cut to see what was trimmed out.

Mr. Louis Cypher.  Lou Cypher.  Hhhhmmm.....why does that sound familiar?

There is much creepiness to be had here, not least Mr. De Niro's portrayal as Mr. Lou Cypher.  Yep, you read that right.....and you know damn well who and what he is the first time you meet him.  This is quite possibly the most UN-DeNiro I have ever seen him, but it is also one of the best roles I've seen him in.  He completely nails the whole evil personified thing.

Angel Heart made me think of Mike Hammer stories to an extent...if they were completely amped up with sex and gore.  The story takes us from the mean streets of New York to the eerie voodoo laced land of New Orleans.  The film absolutely drips with atmosphere as Angel fights to unravel the mystery of Johnny Favourite, and we are riveted to the screen by the outstanding performances by Rourke, Bonet and of course the inimitable Mr. De Niro.

Hey!  It's Denise Huxtable!  What a very un-Cosby like situation.....

Midnight Cinephile Tally

Death Toll:  There's a pretty decent little body count piling up in this one:  5 dead.  Plus a chicken and a horse get it too.

Nude-O-Meter:  There is quite a bit of skin on display here.  The aforementioned breasts of Lisa Bonet and for the ladies there's also quite a bit of Mickey Rourke shown during the blood shower sex scene!

Things That Go Bump in the Night:  I don't think it's much of a spoiler to tell you that we're dealing with ol' Scratch himself here.  The whole film has a bizarre supernatural tone to it that keeps you unsettled throughout, but beyond there's just ol' Lucifer....and perhaps his spawn?

Final Thoughts
Being a fan of film noir, I found this to be a terrific detective story.  Being a fan of horror, I loved the supernatural slant.  The cinematography is in turn gorgeous and also quite effective in conveying a sense of pervasive dread.  The ending you may see coming, you may not...depends on how perceptive you are, but either way it reminds me of something you'd see in an old Twilight Zone episode.

Final Rating
Four out of Five Pizza Rolls!

Santa Claus - Possibly The Creepiest Film Ever.

Santa Claus
1959
Directed by Rene Cardona
Starring Jose Elias Moreno, Cesáreo Quezadas 'Pulgarcito', José Luis Aguirre 'Trotsky'  & Armando Arriola

Tag Lines 
An Enchanting World of Make Believe!

Bursting upon our BIG SCREEN in all the colors of the rainbow... a prize-winning blue ribbon treat for old and young alike! Here's something for the whole family to see together!

See All the Weird and Wonderful Characters of Make-Believe! The Fantastic Crystal Work-Room of the Happy Elves! The Fabulous Realm of the Candy-Stick Palaces!

At Last a Movie That's All About Him!

Better Than a Visit From Saint Nick Himself!

No Alternative Titles


Oh man.  I don't know where to start with this one.  In the grand tradition of extremely messed up Christmas stuff, we get Santa Claus.  A Mexican film from 1959.  This absolutely gets classified under the "must-see" category of bad Christmas movies.  Where else are you going to see Santa Claus fighting a red spandex clad demon?

It's Pitch!!!!!

In this wonky Christmas trashterpiece, Lucifer sends Pitch, a red devil to Earth to cause children to behave badly.... henceforth disrupting Christmas.  Santa, whose palace is basically a giant hovering UFO palace spies on Pitch's activities through some extremely fucked up devices that I am assuming are possibly bio-mechanical.  There is a telescope with an eyeball on the end, there is a radar/parabolic ear - with a friggin EAR on it! - and quite possibly the creepiest device is a God-knows-what with a giant pair of lips on it.  It looks like some kind of fucked up alien blowjob device for giants.  Santa is one sick bastard, I'll tell you what.  I don't even want to get into the

Creepy Merlin helps Creepy Santa.

fact that there are no elves.  Nope....apparently Santa's taken children from Earth to work at his shop/palace.  On them kids on the side of the milk carton?  Santa took them.  Freak.

Before Santa goes to Earth, he needs some help from his assistant, Merlin.  Yep.  You read that right.  Merlin.  Most powerful wizard in all the world (yes even more powerful than Harry Potter!), once most trusted adviser to King Arthur is now Santa's assistant.  Bet ya didn't see that once coming, did ya? Oh it gets even better:  Not only does Santa have Merlin squirreled away in his floating palace of mysterious wonders, but he's also got Vulcan in there!  Not the planet, or the pointy eared species from Star Trek.  I'm of course referring to the Roman God of Beneficial and Hindering Fire.....aka the Greek God Hephaestus.

What the hell is this?  Santa's Gloryhole?

This is one film that simply has to be seen to be believed.  There is just so much whacked out imagery going on that it's impossible to accurately describe how wonky it truly is.  If you are a fan of not only bad cinema, but bad Christmas cinema, then you owe it to yourself to see this one.  Some may find it a bit of a tough watch, but if you're in the right mindset (and have plenty of egg nog) then you'll be all set!



Midnight Tally

Body Count:  Nope.  Though I do wonder what has become of those child slaves that Santa keeps!

Boob Count:  Of course not, you perverts!

Monster Count:  Well, we've got Pitch.  He's a dude wearing a red spandex devil suit with red facepaint.  I think that counts.



Final Thoughts

I'm not going to lie, this one had me wondering more than once what the hell the filmmakers were thinking about.  The whole giant floating palace full of child workers and bio-mechanical devices seemed like some kind of low rent fever dream that I might have had after eating a bad Swiss Colony cheese & meat platter.  Yet, I can't help but find a certain wonky charm about it.  This would make a good double bill with Santa Claus Conquers The Martians.



Final Rating

Three out of Five Pizza Rolls